


A Return to Sanditon

by Jane_Doe07



Category: Sanditon (TV 2019)
Genre: Angst, Continued from Canon, F/M, I Wrote This Instead of Sleeping, Idiots in Love, Pining, Regency, Slow Burn, Tension, seriously how tf do you make a jane austen story without a happy ending
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2020-08-25
Updated: 2020-08-25
Packaged: 2021-03-04 21:53:56
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 5
Words: 32,566
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/25163467
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Jane_Doe07/pseuds/Jane_Doe07
Summary: It is a truth universally acknowledged that a story, written by Jane Austen, must be in want of a happy ending.In other words, my attempt at what a continuation of Charlotte and Sanditon's story would look like.
Relationships: Charlotte Heywood/Sidney Parker
Comments: 172
Kudos: 258





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> I truly love the bones of both the novel and Andrew Davies' series, and I could not help myself in trying to give the show the 'happy' ending its characters and fans so deeply deserve. I hope I did it justice.  
> All mistakes are mine! Thinking this will only be about 4 parts/chapters. ENJOY!

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Months after her return to Willingden, Charlotte Heywood receives an invitation that brings her both joy and anxiety.

As the carriage taking Charlotte back to Willingden rocked back and forth, down the winding dirt road, Sidney Parker's words from weeks ago echoed in her mind. 

_"Your world feels undone."_

Oh how cruel the words felt now. As if they had been some prophetic warning to her. If only she had listened. 

As Charlotte watched as England passed by, with her home fast approaching, she freely admitted that her world _did_ feel undone. By a man of all things. How cliche. How pedestrian. How embarrassing. She loathed that a man had the power to make her feel so untethered, so lost. It was as if she had been tossed into open waters, with no anchor or land in sight. 

Another voice came to Charlotte's mind, only this time it was Esther Denham's. 

_"Unstable. Unreliable."_

Charlotte recalled Esther's description of Sidney, before she had even met him. 

_"You'll regret ever stepping foot in Sanditon."_

Was that true? Charlotte asked herself. Did she regret taking the Parkers up on their offer? Or even meeting them in the first place?

No, she concluded after searching her heart. No, she would not regret any of it. She could not. Yes, her world had been undone. She had met the capriciousness of fate and been shaken by it. Her heart ached and tore apart all at once as she thought of the man she had left behind, of what she had lost and so nearly found. But her heart was wounded, not broken. Defeat was not in Charlotte's nature. She had enough faith to know, the pieces of her seemingly scattered life would find their way back together again. The world would continue on, as it ever had. 

And though she knew she would bare the scars of this ordeal for likely a long time to come, the friendships she had made along the journey, would last a lifetime. 

* * *

**Six Months Later**

_To: Miss Charlotte Heywood_

_You are cordially invited to celebrate the coming new year and the happy engagement of,_

_Miss Georgiana Lambe, and Mr. Elijah Hastings._

_Please join us, December 31st, 1817_

_182 Grosvenors Square, London_

_Post Script._

_Darling Charlotte, it would be most advisable not to consider this an invitation, but rather an obnoxious demand. If you do not attend and help me survive this night, I shall be utterly heartbroken and proceed to pout indefinitely. You would not be so cruel as to force me to befriend and converse with the bland Beaufort girls, would you? No I think not. So I will see you and I shall take no objections._

_It has been entirely too long my dearest friend._

_P.S.S Come to me at the Parker's London home, Bedford Place, a day or two before so that we may catch up before the hectic festivities begin. If you do not, I shall send you a crate full of rotten fruit._

_All my love,_

_Georgiana_

Charlotte could not help but laugh at the missive before her. She missed Georgiana and her friend's vivacious spirit. How could she refuse such a request? They had exchanged many letters over the past months, but she had not seen Georgiana since the summer, and she felt her heart brighten at the prospect. 

Though....the connection Miss Lambe had to a certain Mr. Parker, did not escape Charlotte as she read over the invitation once more. _Grosvenors Square._ The Parker's London home was not in that most fashionable center of the city, so Charlotte could only assume that the address was the new home of Sidney and Eliza Parker, where the engagement party would be held. Very fashionable indeed. 

She had received word of their wedding months ago, and Charlotte's heart had fractured once more at the news, the small part of her that had held out hope for a miracle, crumbled to dust. It was over. He was indeed married. But time was ever the healer, and being at home, with her family, brought her the joy and peace she needed. 

Charlotte reached for her pen to write a reply, refusing to allow her history with Sidney Parker to influence or dictate the future of her friendships. She knew she could not avoid him entirely, but this did seem a safe choice as he would be situated in his new home, with his new wife, and she and Georgiana would be at Bedford Place until the party. It was likely she would not have to see Mr. Parker very much at all. 

Also, one did not wish to risk a threat of decaying fruit. 

* * *

_Evening of December 30th, 1817_

"Elijah you must stop!" Georgiana exclaimed, "How uncharitable you are! You shall embarrass me in front of your own sister and my dear Charlotte!" 

The heiress laughed as she scolded her fiance. Mr. Hastings chuckled between sips of brandy. 

"I am so sorry, my love, but it was your friend who asked me the particulars of how we met. It is not my fault you threw yourself at my feet." 

"I TRIPPED!" Georgiana squealed in half indignation. 

Charlotte's laugh could hardly be contained as she turned to her friend. 

"You said you met him at a coffee shop!"

"HA!" Elijah slapped his knee and leaned forward, "Did she truly!?" he asked. 

Charlotte nodded. 

"I escorted the poor girl to a nearby coffee shop so that she could collect herself. It was quite a dusty day, if you recall my dear." 

"I recall nothing," Georgiana crossed her arms over her chest in mock distain, "In fact, I'm beginning to forget just why I agreed to your proposal in the first place, Mr. Hastings." 

Elijah closed his mouth, but his smile remained. He turned to Charlotte.

"She does not play fair, does she Miss Heywood." 

"I would agree with you sir, but I fear she shall forget my acquaintance if I dare." Charlotte replied. 

"Well we cannot have that," Mr. Hastings reached for Georgiana's hand gently, from across the small table, "My dearest, Miss Lambe, I have entirely misremembered the circumstances and from now on until forever, we did indeed meet in a coffee shop." 

Georgiana grinned at her charming betrothed. 

They all sat comfortably in the Bedford Place sitting room, with a large warm fire, and a generous amount of sherry and brandy nearby. Mr. Elijah Hastings, a young black entrepreneur who had spent the past ten years building a business in trade and was nearly at the ranks of a self made millionaire, sat across from Charlotte and Georgiana. He was splendidly charismatic and likable. He also appeared to be absolutely enamored with her dear friend, which Charlotte thought only accounted more for his superb taste. 

Beside Charlotte sat Georgiana on one side, and Mr. Hastings' associate and close friend, Mr. Daniel Adams on the other. Beside Mr. Hastings sat his quiet but lovely sister, Esme. Together, the company had made the night fly by with ease, and good humor.

"Nauseating, are they not, Miss Heywood?" Mr. Adams spoke up with a smile, as he too watched his good friend fall deeper into the dreadful bliss of love. 

"I shall need to ring for some peppermint tea if I am expected to survive the evening," Charlotte played on. 

Mr. Adams turned and refilled Charlotte's delicate glass, "I believe in these dire circumstances, more sherry is an apt substitute," he gave her an all too friendly wink before filling his own glass and finding his seat once more. 

"How did you come to know Miss Lambe, Miss Heywood?" asked Miss Esme, chiming into the conversation. Where her brother was exuberance and charm, Esme was polite and demure. Although her eyes gave enough away that Charlotte could tell she was an intelligent young woman who was indeed enjoying herself. 

"Charlotte was a guest of the Parkers in Sanditon this past summer. She was the only person that made staying there bearable," Georgiana said. 

"There's no one I would have rather braved a tongue lashing from the great Lady Denham than you my dear," Charlotte raised her glass to her friend as they both laughed at the memories.

"The same Lady Denham who is invited to both our engagement party and wedding??" Mr. Hastings looked at his fiance in amused confusion. 

"The very same, my love."

"And pray tell me, why we are inviting such people?" Elijah continued. 

Georgiana sighed, "Because it is easier to endure them for one evening than to hear about their scorned absence for the subsequent decade. And besides," she continued with a shrug, "Lady D has become far more tolerable since that heinous nephew of hers left." 

"Here here," Charlotte caught herself mumbling, the sherry making her a little too free with her thoughts. 

"And how is it you are acquainted with the Parkers, Miss Heywood?" Mr. Adams asked, "Any relation?" 

Charlotte stifled a snort, composing herself before replying, "No relation whatsoever. Our meeting was far more accidental."

"Serendipitous," Georgiana corrected. 

"Well that sounds like a story worth hearing," Mr. Adams beamed. 

"Oblige us, will you Miss Heywood?" Mr. Hastings asked. 

Amongst these people. Charlotte felt so at ease. How lucky it was to have found that once again with those who were strangers just hours prior. She took another sip of her sweet sherry before beginning, 

"Well, one early summer day in Willingden-"

"Where nothing ever happens," Georgiana added with a grin. 

"Where I was out hunting rabbits," Charlotte corrected. 

"I do so admire a woman who hunts," Mr. Adams raised his glass to Charlotte. 

She smiled but continued on, "A large carriage came driving down our lane at far too brisk a speed for such a narrow path. I was about to take a shot when the carriage turned the corner and completely tipped over."

"My goodness!" Esme exclaimed, "Was everyone alright?" 

"Well I ran over to find out just that, Miss Hastings," Charlotte told her, "I had to climb a top the carriage just to get the door open!"

"Heavens knows what Mrs. Griffiths would think of that, Charlotte," Georgiana laughed. 

"I suspect I would be victim to many long hours of essay reading on the importance of gentility in ladies," Charlotte replied with an animated roll of her eyes. 

"Utter poppycock," Elijah said. 

"Here here," Georgiana replied, winking scandalously at her fiance. 

Charlotte smiled and rose to pour herself a glass of water from the sideboard. She continued, her back partially to the others.

"Thankfully there were no Mrs. Griffiths about and I was able to help the passengers out of their carriage without being scolded. The couple that were in the carriage, were in fact, Mr. and Mrs. Tom Parker. They had to stay at my father's estate for a time while their carriage was repaired. We became well acquainted in that time." 

"Well you sound like quite the heroine, Miss Heywood," Mr. Adams said. 

"She does indeed," a deep, male voice spoke from the doorway. 

Charlotte nearly dropped the pitcher she held in her hand. 

"Sidney!" Georgiana exclaimed, rising from her seat to greet him, "We were not expecting you."

_Sidney._

Hypothetically seeing Mr. Sidney Parker again was one thing, it was another thing entirely for that man to appear suddenly in the room. Charlotte's heart pounded in her ears, but swallowed her anxiety and anticipation as best she could, forcing herself to turn and face him. 

_Sidney._

There he stood, in the doorway of the sitting room, still wearing his dark greatcoat and hat. 

"I felt it necessary to check in on my ward," he told Georgiana in what seemed like half sincerity, half humor. The two appeared to be much closer than last she saw them. 

"And of course, her guests," he continued, turning his attention on the others in the room, "Mr. Hastings, Mr. Adams, Miss Hastings," he nodded to them all before turning ever so slightly to Charlotte, giving a small, almost formal, bow, "Miss Heywood. Forgive me for interrupting." 

"Not at all," Charlotte heard herself say softly. 

"I do not believe I have heard that story before," he said, eyes still on her, though she could not read them, "Please, continue." 

Charlotte inhaled deeply, attempting to gather herself, so as to not sound as ruffled as she felt. 

"I was nearly finished, at any rate. Your brother and Mary invited me to stay with them in Sanditon for the season. Which is where I met Georgiana," she smiled at her friend before her eyes returning to Mr. Parker's, "And I believe you know the rest of that tale, Mr. Parker." 

He gave her a smile that did not meet his eyes. 

"Of course."

"Join us for a drink, Parker," Mr. Hastings offered, gesturing to an empty seat by the fire, "The gentlemen are outnumbered this evening." 

Surprisingly, Mr. Parker looked uncertain, despite it being his own family's house. Though Charlotte hated to admit that she was watching him closely enough to notice. 

After one last glance behind him, Sidney stepped further into the room. 

"Happily," he replied, handing off his coat and hat to a servant.

Charlotte took a long drink of her water, regretting that last glass of sherry and yet wishing she had had another. She went back to her seat across the room, forcing herself not to stare at the tall man who was pouring himself a drink on the other side of the room. 

"How is the great house fairing, Sidney?" Georgiana asked. The party tomorrow evening was to be held there, where half of London could partake. It would be a good assumption that the house was in the midst of party planning chaos. 

Mr. Parker sat down in the empty seat by the fire, a large winged back chair that made him look ever the master of the house. 

"It will be more than acceptable, I give you my word, Georgiana," he assured his ward, "Though I did feel quite in the way." 

"Tyrannical housekeeper, Mr. Parker?" Mr. Adams asked with a grin. 

"It is no wonder than that you sought sanctuary here then sir," Elijah said.

"I am a humble enough man to admit that it may have been a factor," Sidney took a generous sip of his brandy. 

"If Mrs. Carington can see to the house and party arrangements in the manner that I wished, then she can be as much of a tyrant as she likes," Georgiana snickered at the gentlemen. Obviously she had an ally in Mrs. Carington, whom Charlotte assumed was the housekeeper come dictator in question. 

"And when will your family be joining us, Mr. Parker?" Elijah asked. 

Charlotte perked up at that. She had forgotten that they had been invited and longed to see them as well. 

"My brother, Arthur and sister, Diana, live in town so they will be joining us at the party. Mary and Tom arrive tomorrow afternoon. They were unfortunately occupied to prevent them from joining us earlier," Sidney replied. 

"And your charming wife?" Mr. Adams asked, "Will she be our lovely host for the evening?" 

Despite the fire blazing, the room somehow grew cold. Sidney's jaw clenched just a fraction, and he dropped his head for a moment before replying. 

"Unfortunately not," he replied, his voice purposefully calm, "She is out of country at present." 

"Ahh," Mr. Adams replied a bit awkwardly, "A shame to be sure." 

Out of the country? Charlotte thought. That was odd considering it was the holidays, and the engagement party of her husband's ward. But Charlotte stopped herself from thinking any more on it. Eliza's reasons for not being present were her own, and were not any of Charlotte's concern. Though.... Charlotte did hope that her absence was not at all due to her lack of approval of Mr. Hastings, or even Georgiana. How very ungenerous of her that would be. But again, it was none of Charlotte's business. 

"And how are your family, Mr. Parker?" she asked, "They are well, I hope?"

Sidney looked over at her, giving her the smallest of smiles. 

"They are all very well, thank you, Miss Heywood," he replied, then turned to Georgiana and Elijah, "And eager to celebrate such a happy occasion." 

They all raised their glass to that, and the remainder of the evening went on with polite but enjoyable conversation. Mr. Parker did not address Charlotte again until he rose to leave, bowing to the ladies as he excused himself for the evening. 

Not long after Mr. Parker's departure, Esme was stiffling a yawn and Elijah reluctantly acknowledged it was time to leave his bride to be for the evening. And soon it was only Charlotte and Georgiana, lazing by the fireplace, both a little lost in their own thoughts. The warmth of the fire and comfort of the company made Charlotte's mind drift lazily, flirting with unconsciousness. It was Georgiana's voice that brought her back to the present. 

"He's a good man, Charlotte," Miss Lambe nearly whispered, looking at the fire rather than her friend. 

Charlotte watched her carefully. 

"I did not for a moment think otherwise," she replied honestly, "He seems to love you dearly, Georgiana, and nothing could recommend himself more to me." 

Miss Lambe smiled at that, her eyes still on the flames. 

"He does, doesn't he," she said with a half grin. 

"And do you love him, Georgiana? Trust him?" Charlotte asked as was her friendly prerogative. Georgiana looked at her then, her eyes growing quite serious. 

"With all my heart, Charlotte," she replied. 

Charlotte reached for her friends hand and gave it a squeeze. 

"Then I wish you both the most wonderful and joyous life together," she said, her heart full of love for her dear friend. 

When Charlotte went to pull her hand back, Georgiana held it tight. 

"Will you do something for me, Charlotte?" she asked, her voice getting quiet and soft. 

"Of course," Charlotte immediately replied, "What can I do?"

"Will you be my maid of honor?"

How the tears appeared so quickly, Charlotte did not know, but she blinked them away quickly. 

"Oh Georgiana!" she said, leaning over to embrace her friend, "Nothing in this world would make me happier!"

Georgiana's replied by simply hugging her friend in return. Both young women had tears in their eyes, and on their cheeks when they broke apart, both laughing at each other for becoming so emotional.

They sat by the fire awhile longer, discussing little innocuous wedding things. There was such an air of excitement in the house, it was hard to say goodnight. Soon though, the girls had to retire, or else risk falling asleep in the living room. 

Charlotte snuggled against the smooth bedding of her guest room, her heart the fullest it had been in a very long time. She did not bother to fight the pull of sleep, and it soon overcame her, letting her dream about warm fire and smiles. 

* * *

Charlotte woke early the next morning, as she so often did. Years of helping to care for her younger siblings and their family's small estate, often meant Charlotte rose with the sun. Bedford Place was quiet as Charlotte made her way downstairs after dressing hastily. She found the small library, one which she did not have the opportunity to explore it on her previous visit and longed to take an hour or two of what was sure to be a busy day, and read a book. 

The room was dim, as she entered, with only a few strands of dawning light peaking out through the edges of the drapes. The smell of books and ink and leather filled her senses and Charlotte smiled as she carefully made her way across the room and pulled back the drapes, allowing the morning light to pour in. 

"BLAST!" A loud, angry grunt came from Charlotte's left. She jumped involuntarily in surprise and then froze as she turned to find Sidney- Mr. Parker, sitting in the large arm chair by a fire that had long gone out. 

"M-Mr. Parker?" Charlotte forced herself to say, "I-I did not see you there." She would hate herself later for stumbling so foolishly over her words. 

Mr. Parker looked somewhat disheveled, wearing the same clothes he had on the night before, now rumpled and partially undone. Did he sleep here? She wondered. Bedford Place was a lovely townhome and Charlotte was certain that he must have had a grand bedroom upstairs, so it did not seem likely. And yet, with his disordered hair, untied cravat, and a half empty decanter of what Charlotte assumed was brandy on the table beside him, all pointed to the idea that he had in fact slept there. In the library. 

The bedraggled man let out a long, irritated sigh.

"Miss Heywood." 

Sidney rubbed a hand over his scruffy face. He looked awful truth be told. Still handsome, because handsome people need never really fear of looking ugly no matter their state. And he did look a state. She wondered what had prompted him into such a circumstance. Why had he not gone to his room, or better yet, to his home in Grosvenor Square? 

"I-I did not expect anyone to be up at this hour," Charlotte stammered out. 

"Nor should they be," Mr. Parker grumbled. 

Charlotte began to move away from the window and back towards the door to leave the library and him. 

"So why are you?" he asked, stopping her. 

Charlotte turned back to face him. There were many answers she could give him, but she doubted he wanted to hear them. So she calmly replied, 

"I wished to read." 

A bark of dark laughter came from the arm chair and Charlotte had to stop herself from glaring at the man. He was _laughing_ at her. The first time they were in a room alone together since....since the summer and the man had the audacity to-

"You wished to read," he repeated her words, the laughter still on his lips, "If it were anyone else giving that excuse, I would suspect something far more nefarious. But with you, Miss Heywood, I daresay you are telling the truth."

"Have I given you reason to doubt me?" Charlotte spoke, her voice steady. He was being insolent and she refused to oblige him. 

Sidney stopped laughing and looked at her then, for the first real time that morning, his dark brown eyes connecting with hers. Charlotte clenched her fists to keep her hands from shaking, unwilling to let him see just how much the entire situation affected her. She held his gaze, trying to analyze his expression and whatever emotion lie beneath it. But to no avail. Just darkness. 

After another agonizing moment of silence, Mr. Parker rose from his chair. 

"I shall leave you to it then, Miss Heywood," he said, making for the door. 

Abruptly, Charlotte felt guilty. This was his family home, and she had intruded, without warning, back into his life. Although she doubted she mattered very much at all to him anymore, but the possibility of causing him -and through him, Georgiana- any stress troubled her. It was that thought that made her speak up, just as Sidney reached the door. 

"I hope, my presence here is not offensive."

Mr. Parker half turned to her, almost as if bored. 

"This is the library, where else would I expect you to-"

"I meant here," Charlotte interrupted, "In London."

Sidney straightened a fraction, somehow looking ever the business man and gentleman with his wrinkled vest and undone shoelaces. 

"I have told Georgiana to treat this house as if it were her own," he explained, "She need not seek my permission or approval to invite guests."

His tone was cold, unfeeling. And Charlotte could not think of why. 

"I see," was all she said. 

Mr. Parker gave a slight bow in her direction, but did not meet her eyes again. 

"Good day, Miss Heywood."

And with that, he left the library. Charlotte had felt so eager to explore this room and read for a time, but now she felt bereft, as if the joy had been sucked out of the endeavor. She sighed and shook herself. Yes, Sidney Parker seemed as uninterested in her company as ever before, and yes, she would admit that a small part of her felt a bit wounded by his ambivalence, but what exactly had she expected from the man? Some emotional, idyllic reunion? Bah, even the thought was ludicrous. 

Charlotte forced her attention to the wall of beautifully bound books, unwilling to let one ill meeting with Mr. Parker ruin her time here. She read through the titles, eventually coming upon one that peaked her interest enough to pull down. It was a small novella by an author she did not recognize. Charlotte took the book and sat down in the same chair Sidney had sat- and presumably slept-in. It was the most comfortable looking chair in the room by far, so Charlotte did not shame herself for claiming it. 

Thankfully, the book was an entertaining one, the kind where the world around her faded from her mind, the words on the page pulling her into another time and place. So much so that she jumped when the maid appeared in front of her, trying to light the fire. 

"Heavens, miss!" The maid exclaimed, "I did not mean to frighten ya."

Charlotte smiled, her heart beat returning to normal. 

"That's quite alright. My mind was elsewhere it seems," she gestured to the book and then turned back to the maid, "I suppose it is time to join the land of the living again."

The maid gave her a smile. 

"Breakfast should be out shortly miss."

"Thank you," Charlotte replied. She marked the page of her book, hoping to return to it another time. She moved to place it on the small table beside the chair, when she stopped suddenly. 

She had not noticed it before. 

There, on the table, beneath the half empty decanter of brandy, lay an old, well read, brown book. The leather was worn and the stitching was frayed, but there it sat. 

"Everything alright, miss?" the maid asked politely. Charlotte must have been staring for longer than she realized. She blinked several times before replying. 

"Yes. Yes, of course. Quite alright." 

Charlotte gently placed her novella on the table and stood, making her apologies to the maid as she made her way out of the library, and away from the haunting brown book that Charlotte almost allowed herself to think Sidney had stayed up reading the night before. She had to get away from it, and the destructive implication it could bring. 

For etched in the leather spine of that brown, worn out book, read the title, _'Heraclitus."_

* * *

Georgianna's hand clutched Charlotte's arm as they made their way together, into the ballroom of Sidney and Eliza Parker's London town home. Although 'home' certainly seemed an understatement. The edifice bordered on palatial. It was a residence built for entertaining, built for evenings such as this one. 

"Oh Georgianna," Charlotte whispered in awe to her friend as they both stopped to take in the grand room, beautifully decorated. 

"Well," Georgianna grinned, "An heiress of 100,000 pounds ought to have the taste to accompany her inheritance, don't you agree?"

The two friends looked at one another and burst out laughing, uncaring about any attention they drew. It was Georgianna's party after all. 

"I have ventured over to bring my beloved some assistance and perhaps comfort, but it seems I am obsolete!" Mr. Hastings said to them jovially as he approached. 

Georgianna smiled brightly as her betrothed came up beside her. 

"You shall never be obsolete my love," she told him, "For if nothing else, I look far better on your arm than Charlotte's."

Mr. Hastings grinned and offered his arm to her. 

"Well then I best make myself useful," he said, "Shall we, my dear?" 

Georgianna dislodged herself from Charlotte and took Elijah's arm. They beamed at one another for a moment, before Georgianna turned her head back towards Charlotte. 

"Do not wander off or try to hide away," she demanded, "Heaven knows when I shall need reinforcements."

Charlotte nodded with a smile.

"I shall endeavor to stay within eye shot."

"You had better!" Georgianna said with another smirk that turned into a dazzling smile as her and her fiance began to make their way through the crowded room, greeting their guests as they went. 

Georgianna was stunning this evening, both in appearance and attitude. She wore a magnificent turquoise coloured gown that set her apart from the crowd in it's grandeur and style. It almost seemed iridescent against the candlelight in the ballroom. Charlotte wore a much simpler rose gown, but it was one of her favourites all the same, not that she cared a fig about her own appearance on a night when everyone would be looking at the bride to be, and certainly not her. Charlotte smiled as she watched her friend. It gave her such contentment to see Georgianna so happy. She deserved ever ounce of it and more. The room itself seem to correspond to the celebrated couple as it gleamed and shone and held the warmth against the cold December evening.

"Charlotte!" a woman called out from behind her. Charlotte turned to find Mary Parker nearly running to greet her, with more Parkers in tow. 

"Mary!" Charlotte said.

"It is so very good to see you my dear," Mary told her, kissing her cheek as she held Charlotte's hands in her own, "Sanditon and Trafalgar House are not the same without you, Charlotte."

"Indeed not," Mr. Tom Parker spoke up from behind his wife, "How are you, Charlotte?"

They quickly bowed before Charlotte replied, "Very well, and made even better by seeing you all here tonight."

"Wouldn't have missed it for the world," Tom replied heartily. 

Charlotte loped her arm in Mary's as they all made their way further into the ballroom.

"And how does Sanditon fair? How goes the rebuilding?" Charlotte asked, and with that simple question, an unending conversation was had. 

Their small group was soon joined by what seemed like all of Sanditon and much of London society. Arthur and Diana Parker were as cheerful and yet despondent as ever. Lord and Lady Babington joined, although the still somewhat newlyweds seemed to prefer each other's conversation, as they whispered and made face at each other throughout the evening. The formidable Lady D arrived, making some complaint about the heat of the room and expense the ball must have cost. Mr. Sidney Parker appeared eventually, coming to stand beside his brothers, making little to no effort to engage in the group's conversation. Charlotte could not help but wonder at the man. He had everything to celebrate; the stately London home, his ward being married to a wealthy and trustworthy man, surrounded by friends and family. And yet, still, his countenance was reserved at best, if not irritated. But Charlotte pressed upon herself not to think anymore of it. He was not her concern. 

Georgianna and Elijah eventually joined their group, adding more to the conversation. They were a charming couple, whom everyone could not help but admire. And with a new year fast approaching, spirits were high in the illustrious ballroom, including her own. Charlotte was glad for it, as it helped to ease the blow of Lady Denham's attack. 

"I see you are well, Miss Heywood," the great lady addressed her, breaking the large group's conversation. Her devilish eye looked Charlotte up and down, "Looking very pretty indeed."

"Thank you ma'am," Charlotte replied. She could not help the blush spreading on her cheeks, not because of the compliment, but because of the attention it drew. Eyes looked her way, including a pair of dark brown ones that had eluded hers all evening. 

"If you would only listen to my advice and find yourself a husband before that bloom of yours fades," Lady Denham told her, "Or else you shall see your life dwindle into obscurity with it."

A summer spent often in Lady Denham's company had afforded Charlotte the experience in dealing with her coarseness, so it only took a moment if not less to reply.

"I do not think I have ever been or would ever be found guilty of desiring celebrity, Lady Denham."

A few in the group chuckled, and Georgianna beside her snorted.

"No," Lady Denham said, as if exhausted, "I do not suppose so. But it is such a shame to see a life wasted in the shadows of spinsterhood."

"Aunt!" Lady Esther Babington gave her relative a sharp glance, before looking to Charlotte, "My Aunt gives no quarter you see. Even to beautiful young ladies who have all the world before them. Single _or_ married."

Charlotte smiled at Esther, genuinely impressed and grateful. Lady Denham scoffed but said nothing in return. 

"Now come to think of it," Lord Babington began, his face quizzical, "Why is it that an unmarried woman may be looked upon unfortunately in society, but a man, no matter their age, who is a bachelor, may be considered distinguished?"

"Oh good lord," Esther muttered beside her husband, "Really dear." 

Other groans from the gentlemen and tisks from the ladies of the group followed Lord Babington's remarks. But it was Charlotte who replied. 

"Is it not obvious, Lord Babington?" she asked, eyes falling to her, "Because a _man_ decreed it so."

The ladies smiled or smirked in response. Georgianna nudged her shoulder in encouragement. Lord Babington chuckled at her reply, raising his glass to her in a salute.

"Touche, Miss Heywood. Though I would like it noted that it was not this man."

"Noted," Lady Esther said, eager to change the subject, "Now I decree that the new year is nearly here and I have yet to have a dance. Will you oblige me, darling?" Esther shyly asked her husband. As if the man would ever say no. 

"Who am I to refuse a decree," the besotted man replied, eliciting a few last laughs as the couple departed and the group began to disperse a bit. 

"Are Elijah and I as nauseating as those two?" Georgianna whispered to Charlotte. 

She grinned, at her friend and the choice of words, "I am afraid so, if not worse."

As if on cue, Mr. Hastings appeared before them, with Mr. Adams to his right. 

"Well ladies," Elijah smiled at them, "Shall we bring in the new year on the dance floor?"

He held out his arm to Georgianna.

"How needy you are becoming," Georgianna whined sarcastically as she took the offered appendage. 

"Best get used to it, my love," Mr. Hastings replied, patting her hand in sympathy as he escorted the pair to the dance floor. 

"Miss Heywood," Mr. Adams said, getting Charlotte's attention, "If you'd do me the honour?"

The handsome young man extended his arm to her. 

Charlotte gave him a smile, "With pleasure, Mr. Adams."

She took his arm and they turned towards the gathering couples. Charlotte absently looked over Mr. Adams' shoulder, to be met with Sidney Parker's gaze. Was he... was he glaring at her? Charlotte did not have time to be sure, as Mr. Adams pulled her away. Why would he be glaring at her? What had she done?

"I must confess, Miss Heywood," Mr. Adams said, returning her attention back to the gentleman, "I am not an exceptional dancer."

He navigated them through the many moving bodies, as others found their places for the song about to begin. 

"It has been some time since I danced, myself, Mr. Adams," she told him. 

They joined the other dancers near the edge of the ballroom, with Mr. Adams taking his place in front of her as the first cords of the song rang out. 

"I could not pass on the opportunity to dance with such a charming partner," he smiled at her, bowing to begin. 

"Then we shall simply have to muddle our way through this together," she replied, returning his bow. 

Thankfully, it was a country dance that Charlotte was familiar with, as the first steps began. She did not try and hide the growing smile across her face as they twirled about the grand room. It had been a lovely evening. The party was a resounding success, and as her feet skipped about, her heart felt lighter. 

She would never be a socialite, but after a summer spent in Sanditon, and her visits to London, she did feel that perhaps she was outgrowing her small, beloved town of Willingden. She had missed her friends, their conversations and the general busyness of life. And yes, she had also very much missed dancing. 

No, Mr. Adams was not a great dancer, but she had never claimed to be one either, and they both moved efficiently enough through the steps to enjoy themselves without causing harm to themselves or others. He spoke throughout the dance often enough not to make their time awkward, and seldom enough so that they could delight in the general merriment of the dance and the party. Mr. Adams was kind and polite, though perhaps a bit too confident in himself, but Charlotte did not think much past that. What young, handsome, successful man would not be confident of themselves? She had met plenty of men who had much less to recommend themselves with but were far more arrogant. 

Eventually, the dance came to an end. Charlotte was more out of breathe than she realized when she bowed to Mr. Adams as the song finished. 

"Thank you for the dance, Mr. Adams," she told him, "It was most enjoyable despite your warnings."

Mr. Adams stepped closer to Charlotte, taking her gloved hand, and laying a gentle kiss on it as he bowed in turn. 

"An absolute pleasure," he told her, green eyes sparkling. 

"Miss Heywood," Sidney Parker's voice called from behind her. She turned in surprise, her hand still in Mr. Adams'. 

"Ahh, Mr. Parker," Mr. Adams greeted the man, "Here to steal a dance from our lovely Miss Heywood?"

Charlotte was grateful for the dimmed lights as she was certain her face had gone red, or possibly green. 

Mr. Parker blinked, apparently unfazed by the comment. He did not answer Mr. Adams, instead turning to Charlotte. 

"I have been tasked to fetch you, Miss Heywood," he told her, "I believe Georgianna needs your assistance."

"Of course," Charlotte replied. She gently removed her hand from Mr. Adams', "Is everything alright?"

"A wardrobe malfunction, I believe," Mr. Parker replied flatly.

"Thank you for the dance, Mr. Adams," she told him, making to leave, "Please excuse me."

Mr. Adams was saying something in return, but Mr. Parker was already moving away, so she smiled back quickly in response before catching up with Sidney.

He made no effort to offer her his arm as they made their way through the busy ballroom. 

Charlotte did not like the tense and awkward silence that had seemed to envelope them. She could at least make an effort to be civil to the man, could she not?

"It is a lovely party," she said to him. 

The man only grunted in response, eyes forward. Charlotte tried again. 

"Your tyrannical housekeeper deserves some accolades I think."

"Indeed," his low voice muttered. 

"I am glad to see you approve of Mr. Hastings," she said. 

"He is a good man," Sidney replied.

Charlotte waited for some attempt at reciprocated conversation but was left wanting. She sighed as they turned a corner, leaving the ballroom. 

"Shall I talk about the weather next, or perhaps-"

"Mr. Adams was too forward with you," Mr. Parker said, cutting her off abruptly. 

Charlotte blinked.

"I-I beg your pardon?"

"Mr. Adams," Sidney explained as if annoyed beyond measure, "He should not impose on you like that."

Charlotte was hoping just for simple, polite conversation so they could attempt some normalcy with one another. But this.... what was this? Charlotte tread carefully, unsure of how to respond or react to such a statement. 

"He was not inappropriate, Mr. Parker," she said. Which was true. Forward perhaps, but not scandalous. 

Mr. Parker only replied with a grumble. He had yet to actually meet her eyes. Besides a furrowed brow which seemed fixed upon his face, Sidney showed no emotion, no reaction to their conversation. And that irritated Charlotte. 

"Nor, sir, does it follow that his imposition was unwelcome," she said defiantly. 

Mr. Parker stopped in front of a large double door and turned sharply to her. 

"Then you should endeavor to be more cautious."

Charlotte could not help but rear back at that. He had no right to criticize her. She felt her anger begin to rise, the kind that only he brought out in her, the kind that revoked all notion of propriety or politeness. She stared at him, unwilling to be cowed by the man's impertinence. 

"Am I to understand that, you believe I should practice more caution when an eligible gentleman shows interest in me? _You_ , sir?" 

Silence. She was met with nothing but the quiet sounds of the muffled party behind them. He didn't even have the decency to look ashamed. Charlotte scoffed at Sidney's lack of response. Perhaps it was that infuriating silence that made her voice all the more sharp when she pressed on.

"As it happens, I have indeed had the opportunity to learn that very lesson, Mr. Parker. Quite thoroughly you may recall."

"Charlotte, I-"

" _Mr. Parker_ ," Charlotte emphasized, needing distance. Tomorrow she would allow herself to feel the pain of this conversation, of Sidney's demeanor towards her, but tonight she was determined not to be unnerved, "I am sure I should thank you for your concern, but it is not necessary, nor was it asked for."

Sidney took in her words and his face fell, suddenly looking quite tired. 

"No," he said, "It would be unlikely you would ask me for anything now."

Charlotte said nothing, too afraid of what may come out of her mouth. Why could this not be easier? Why was being in each other's presence so troublesome? She hated it. She had no idea the workings of Mr. Parker's mind, but it was evident that he found no joy in their conversation. 

And yet, he did not move to leave, even when chants of the new year began to echo in the hallway they stood in. He looked in the direction of the ballroom. 

"You said once you felt out of place in company such as this," he said quietly, almost softly. 

"Things change, do they not, Mr. Parker?" she replied. 

A chorus of 'happy new years' and crystal glasses clinking swirled around them, but Sidney just looked at her. 

"Indeed they do, Miss Heywood."

Charlotte swallowed. She felt suddenly hot and dizzy and so many other things. She hated the affect this man had on her, even after his rejection, even after his coldness to her. She felt weak and foolish. Charlotte dropped his gaze.

"I can find Georgianna from here," she said, "Thank you for your assistance, Mr. Parker."

And with that she turned and pushed through the large double doors, leaving before he could respond, before he could say another word that would break her. The doors closed behind her with a creak. 

"Charlotte," Georgianna's voice called to her from the room she had just entered. As Charlotte focused, she realized it was a large sitting room. Georgianna sat on a settee, a white ribbon in her hand. 

"Georgianna," Charlotte said, gathering herself and moved to sit beside her friend, "I heard you needed reinforcements."

" _Charlotte_ ," Georgianna said again, this time, more forcefully. Charlotte finally met her friends eyes. 

"Tell me," Georgianna said sternly. 

Charlotte closed her eyes. This was the last thing she wanted. To put more stress on her friend, and her relationship with her guardian. And tonight of all nights. 

"How much of that did you hear?"

"Enough," Georgianna said. 

"Oh Georgianna," Charlotte sighed. 

"He did wrong by you, didn't he," she said, barely a question. 

Charlotte sighed, "Georgianna, it is your engagement party, surely another time-"

"Oh hang the party, Charlotte," Georgianna exclaimed, "Enough of the pretense. I demand you tell me what on earth happened between you and Sidney Parker!"

Charlotte loved her dear friend. 

" _Demand_ , do you?"

Georgianna half smirked in return, and grabbed Charlotte's hands, holding them tightly. 

"Please Charlotte," she said, "If you do not tell me the whole of it, I shall think the worst and hate him forever."

Charlotte gave a weak laugh at that. 

"Unfortunately, I believe you quite capable of that."

"Well then?" Georgianna encouraged. 

Charlotte sighed. She was too emotionally drained to fight anymore.

"If I tell you, you must swear on your life and our friendship that you will not tell another soul. I fear the truth could harm more than just my own reputation." 

Georgianna nodded, "I swear." 

Over the course of the next ten minutes, Charlotte proceeded to confide in her friend about what had transpired between herself and Mr. Parker last summer. Well... nearly everything. 

"God that unfeeling rogue!" Georgianna ground out, as she now stood, pacing the sitting room in agitation, "How merciless he was with you, Charlotte! How cruel!"

Charlotte sighed. 

"If he had been, it would make this entire situation easier," Charlotte told her friend, "Despising him would certainly be more satisfying. Sadly, I'm inclined to feel sorry for him." 

It was true, save for tonight and his manners towards her, she did feel sorry for him and the position he was put in by his brothers actions. 

"He deserves no such feelings, Charlotte," Georgianna said, coming back to sit beside her friend, "He treated you abominably, and I shall never forgive him."

"You must not think like that, Georgianna," Charlotte pleaded, "Fate abused us both. Mr. Parker simply made the choice that would harm the fewest of people. That is all."

"Oh hang other people," Georgianna grumbled. 

"Georgianna-"

"You are far too good, Charlotte. And far too good for him." 

Charlotte smiled, "And you are a very dear friend for saying such."

"I feel selfish now, asking you to be here, knowing you would have to face him!" Georgianna said.

"Don't you dare! Being here, seeing you and how happy you are, blocks out any ill feeling I could ever have. I am grateful for the invitation." Charlotte told her in earnest. 

"And you'll still be my Maid of Honour?" Georgianna asked. 

"With all my heart," Charlotte replied, squeezing her friends hand. 

"What will you do? About Sidney?" Georgianna asked after a pause. 

Charlotte let out a dark laugh, "There's nothing to do. He is a married, society man. I am simply a disturbance in his life, one I am sure he wished would eradicate itself."

Georgianna frowned, "I very much doubt that. But I still wish you would let me knock his head in with a cricket bat."

The two women laughed at that. 

"It is a new year, Georgianna. A fresh start. Time to let the past be the past. And let us focus on your most exciting future."

"Happy New Year, Charlotte."

"Happy New Year, Georgianna."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hope you all enjoyed chapter one! This story should be between 3-5 chapters/parts. I know I may be taking this story in a slightly different direction than perhaps a lot of fans anticipated, but please know that there will absolutely be a happy ending and that, no there will not be any cheating. I feel the need to express that lol. This is my first fanfic for Sanditon and I am enjoying the heck out of writing for these beautiful characters. Thank you to all who read this chapter :).


	2. Chapter 2

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Lady Susan invites Charlotte to tea.

The morning after the engagement party, Charlotte and Georgianna were quietly enjoying their breakfast at Bedford Place when a servant entered the room. 

"For you, Miss Heywood," the servant bowed, handing Charlotte a letter with exquisite writing on it. 

"Thank you," she told him, taking the letter. She looked at it curiously. 

"I wasn't expecting any post," Charlotte muttered, taking a knife to break the wax seal. 

"Perhaps Mr. Adams wished to thank you for the dance," Georgianna smirked at her friend before biting into a slice of buttered toast. 

Charlotte rolled her eyes at the comment before unfolding the paper. 

_My darling girl,_

_Word has reached me that you are here in London for a time. I am mortified you did not tell me in our last correspondence. However, I will be placated if you agree to have tea with me tomorrow. Come to my home at 11 o'clock, and yes I do insist. Address is enclosed._

_All my love,_

_Lady Susan_

"Well?" Georgianna asked impatiently. 

"It seems I have been summoned," Charlotte replied with a small laugh, "What does one wear to tea at the Prince's mistress' home?"

* * *

Evidently, one wore their second best dress to tea with Lady Susan. It was a pale blue day dress and completely incongruous with the astounding glamor and extravagance of the room she currently sat in. 

"I am so happy to hear about you friend, Miss Lambe," Lady Susan said, "After her harrowing experience last year, it is truly excellent news."

Charlotte was embarrassed for having shared what had happened to Georgianna when she had first met Lady Susan, but months of continuing friendship with the woman via letters and gifts, she had more than enough faith that the older woman had not and would not tell anyone. 

"Very excellent news," Charlotte agreed, "They will find much happiness and prosperity in their lives, I am sure. No one could deserve it more."

"Well an heiress and an exorbitantly wealthy business man are sure to live nothing but a prosperous life," Lady Susan said, "Though I am quite elated that it is also a love match. There can never be too many of those, in my opinion."

"They are disgustingly adorable," Charlotte said with a laugh. 

Despite Lady Susan being a substantially more elevated person in society, she never made Charlotte feel as though she should be anyone other than herself. She knew she did not have the polish of most ladies, but that did not seem to bother Lady Susan in the slightest. In fact, she seemed to appreciate Charlotte's sincerity, something that Charlotte was not used to. 

Lady Susan took a graceful sip of her tea before asking in a very neutral tone,

"And what of Miss Lambe's guardian? Does he approve of the match?"

Charlotte shrugged, "He thinks very highly of Mr. Hastings from what I understand. He even helped with planning the engagement party, I believe."

The tea was still a touch too hot for Charlotte's liking, but she took a large sip anyways, wishing to appear as calm and unbothered as she could. 

"That is fortunate. Young people in love should not have nearly as many obstacles," Lady Susan eyed Charlotte, "As they so often do."

"Indeed," Charlotte replied, taking another drink of the tea and subsequently burning her tongue. 

"Does the newest Mrs. Parker approve of the pair? I heard she was not present at the engagement party, despite it being at her home."

Charlotte coughed involuntarily. Lady Susan was nothing but tenacious in her quest for information and opinions. 

"I believe her to be out of the country at present," she replied after clearing her throat.

Lady Susan gave her a long, knowing look.

Charlotte sighed, "Truly my Lady, that is all I know on the matter."

Lady Susan nodded in apparent understanding. She reached for a biscuit from the table. 

"Quite curious though, you must admit," the lady said. 

Charlotte needed to end this turn of conversation before the subtly wore off and an all out interrogation ensued.

"Mrs. Parker," the words tasted like vinegar in her mouth, "And her geographical location are of no consequence to me, or Georgianna's marriage. However, if she does have some reservations regarding Mr. Hastings or Miss Lambe's marriage, then I am grateful that she removed herself from the evening, rather than spoiling it with negativity."

"Well said my dear," Lady Susan looked at Charlotte with genuine kindness and admiration, "You are a very good friend. Miss Lambe could not have chosen better in that."

"Thank you, Lady Susan," Charlotte smiled, "That is very kind of you to say."

"Do not thank me yet," Lady Susan said, putting her tea and biscuit down and looking intently at Charlotte, "I know that forcing you to speak of Mr. and Mrs. Sidney Parker is not kind, or perhaps friendly, and i am sorry if my doing so has made you uncomfortable, but I believe it best to address the elephant in the room and there are a few things that I think you need to be made aware of." 

Charlotte put her own tea down, ignoring the way it shook slightly in her hands, "Oh dear." 

The lady began, "As you may know, I have, let us say...... a talent, for acquiring information that may not be known to the general public."

Charlotte gulped, "Yes ma'am."

"And as you are my dear friend, I find it prudent to tell you, I am well aware of the tragedy that befell Sanditon last summer, and how Mrs. Eliza Campion becoming Mrs. Parker, is entangled in all of it."

Charlotte inhaled sharply, "Lady Susan, I assure you-"

"Please-" Lady Susan raised a hand, interrupting Charlotte, "Allow me to finish. Set your mind at ease, Charlotte, I have no intention of telling a soul of what I have learnt. I know how much you would be pained by that and that is the last thing I wish for."

Charlotte bowed her head, feeling ashamed for some reason. As if the scandal and wrong doing had been hers.

"Thank you, my Lady. I am grateful." 

"Your gratitude is admirable but not necessary. It was not your errors that needed repairing. A tragic turn of events I daresay. Although I hear that Sanditon is on the mend again, I do hope Mr. Tom Parker is more careful in the future. With both his town and his guests," Lady Susan said sternly. 

Charlotte fiddled with her napkin, "I do not wish to place blame at anyone's feet, save perhaps fate," she gave a small shrug and placed a smile on her face, "And besides, all is well, no real harm done." 

Lady Susan frowned, "My dear Charlotte. You are a strong, kind, young woman with a wonderful heart and a sharp mind, and it pains me to see you put so much on yourself. You have experienced a loss, I think, and are only doing yourself a disservice by ignoring such sorrow. I only wish to see you happy, my dear. If you ever feel the need to give voice to what you have gone through, without fearing publication or retribution, I hope you know that I am always here."

Surprisingly, Charlotte did not feel sad or angry at the Lady's words, or their subject matter. She felt light, nearly weightless, as if the words had freed her from a burden she did not know she carried. Telling Georgianna the truth did not have this same affect on her, as she was careful of how she phrased things, afraid of how her words could damage Georgianna's relationship with Sidney and the Parkers. Charlotte could not speak of the heartbreak, of the devastation she felt when it was Eliza and not her that Sidney had proposed to, made all the more agonizing by the knowledge that he did so out of the love he bore for his brother and his family. The comforts of resentment and anger were not given to her, as she knew and understood the reasons for her rejection. Charlotte was only left with the pain. And though she had carried on, moved forward as life continued, it was a relief to hear Lady Susan's words, a relief to know that someone else knew and understood, that some had given her permission and approval to feel that grief. 

Despite tears pooling in her eyes, Charlotte smiled. 

"You are an exceptional woman, Lady Susan," Charlotte said, "And an exceptional friend."

Lady Susan took Charlotte's hand and held it gently. They sat quietly for a time, giving pause to the seriousness of their conversation. The clock in the room rang out, telling them it was noon. Lady Susan released Charlotte's hand, reaching for the remainder of her tea and biscuit. 

"Now dear, when do you leave for Willingden?" she asked. 

"Tomorrow," Charlotte replied. 

Lady Susan shook her head and pursed her lips. 

"No, that will not do," she said disapprovingly. 

"I'm sorry my lady, it was only meant to be a short trip," Charlotte said in earnest. 

"Well then I believe a change of plans is in order, as I have a proposition for you," Lady Susan said, her eyes sparkling as she smiled at Charlotte. 

"Do you?" Charlotte asked. 

"I have a handful of outings scheduled for this week that will be absolutely tiresome, and I think it best if you stayed here and accompanied me," Lady Susan announced with all the confidence and assurity her station gave. 

"Oh Lady Susan," Charlotte began reluctantly, "That would be wonderful, but I would not wish to impose, and I fear I did not bring attire fitting for such excursions."

"Never mind that," Lady Susan brushed off Charlotte's concerns with the flick of her hand,"It is not any imposition at all considering you will be saving me from enduring these events alone and without amusement. As for your attire...." the great lady sipped her tea and eyed her friend with a mischievous smile, "I am sure we can conjure up something appropriate for you to wear." 

* * *

Charlotte's week in London had gone by in a flurry of lace, tea, dances, and love. Her stay with Lady Susan had been marvelous, if a little overwhelming. She had accompanied the great lady to two teas, one ball, and a symphony. As surprising and perhaps, odd, her friendship with Lady Susan was, her and Charlotte had grown all the more closer as the week went on. Charlotte's continued stay in London also afforded her more time to spend with Georgianna, and help her with wedding planning. It was the busiest and perhaps most invigorating week Charlotte could ever remember having. And she had adored it all. 

On multiple occasions, Charlotte had to stop herself from gawking; whether at a person's extravagant attire, or whichever new mesmerizing location Lady S took them to. Tonight, their last outing before Charlotte finally returned to Willingden, was no exception. 

Lady Susan had brought them to the Covent Garden Theatre, for a showing of 12th Night. Charlotte was enthralled. She had been to a few smaller theatre productions before, but nothing like this. They sat in one of the more prestigious boxes in the building and Charlotte on more than one occasion found several sets of eyes focused on her companion and even herself. She ignored them, turning her attention back to the play and its players. 

Charlotte wore one of the gowns Lady Susan insisted purchasing for her. It had taken the lady almost the entirety of a day to convince Charlotte to accept such gifts. But eventually, Charlotte conceded. Lady Susan did have a penchant for getting her way, and Charlotte had to admit, that the lady did have excellent taste. The one she was wearing this evening was perhaps Charlotte's favourite, as she so seldom wore anything as bold as the dark hunter green silk gown, with it's dramatic square neckline. It was lovely, and Charlotte was grateful for it.

Thankfully, there were friends amongst the strangers and spectators, as Charlotte spotted Georgianna in another box across the theatre. She wished she could have sat with Georgianna as well, but she knew how excited Lady Susan was to take her, and though their box was luxurious, it only sat two people, and Georgianna had brought with her an entourage. Tom and Mary Parker, Mr. Hastings, Miss Esme, Mr. Adams and Mr. Sidney Parker all accompanied Georgianna this evening. Charlotte grimaced as she thought back to her last conversation with Mr. Parker at the engagement party. She had seen him throughout the week, often attending the same events Lady Susan brought her to, but he had never approached her, never greeted or acknowledged her. 

What a mess it all was. Charlotte wished she could have held her tongue, played the quiet and agreeable girl. Perhaps that pretense could have saved them both from facing their past, and the very awkward present. But she suspected it was too late for that. 

Intermission finally came, and Charlotte whisked down to meet her friends, as they had agreed to. Lady Susan was busy greeting those other great members of society, and did not mind Charlotte leaving her for a time. 

Charlotte peered into the assembly room, but could not spot her friends. The theatre was amass with people, and Charlotte had to nearly push her way through the crowd. She was walking against a wall when a large gentleman pushed quickly past her, making her trip and step abruptly to the side where a curtain hung. By a miracle, she did not fall, but when she turned to disengage her foot and herself from the enormous, velvet curtain, it was not the assembly room she was looking at. 

"Miss Heywood," a voice murmured in the dim light. 

_Dammit._

"Mr. Parker," she said, reminding herself to attempt some civility. 

Charlotte stood in what appeared to be a large alcove, nearly the size of her rooms in Sanditon. Tall, beautiful marble pillars stood against the gold theatre walls. It reminded her of the same alcove she met Lady Susan in. The noise and view of the crowd was dimmed by the heavy curtain, giving the feeling that they were apart from the rest of the world. A dangerous notion to be sure. 

Mr. Parker sat on a bench at the other end of the room, a wine glass in his hand and his necktie ever so slightly askew. 

"Forgive me," Charlotte said, "I was looking for Georgianna, but I cannot-"

"Are you enjoying it?" Mr. Parker interrupted, looking at the floor, rather than her. 

Charlotte replied cautiously, "The play? It is very well done. Though I cannot say-"

He interrupted her again with a bark of laughter. 

"Not the play, Miss Heywood," he told her, "Are you enjoying your infliction of torment?"

Charlotte's jaw dropped at his words. 

"M-my what!?" she questioned, her mind swirling, "Who on earth am I tormenting?"

"You know damn well who.....and why," Sidney said coldly, "As well do I."

_No._

Charlotte thought, realizing just what it was that he implied.

 _No_. They were not doing this, _she_ was not doing this, not here, not now. She would not allow this behaviour, this affliction of going about in aggravating circles, to continue. 

Her voice was steady, "Mr. Parker, you are unwell. I shall go get Georgianna and-"

"Oh come, Miss Heywood. I know you not to be afraid of a little spilt blood," Sidney said, standing up from the bench, a tragic smile curving his lips, he opened his arms wide, "Come, take your best shot. I am an easy target, am I not?"

Charlotte glared at the man, "Is it all just a game to you, sir? Something to provoke and play with?"

Sidney's arms dropped, his eyes narrowing to meet hers.

"Is it all just revenge to you? Constantly showing up, to remind me of what I los-" he stopped himself short, biting his own words back before continuing, "Am I never to know peace!?"

"You believe that is my intent in being here? To torment you? You think me so cruel? So vindictive as that!?"

Mr. Parker took a gulp from the wine glass he still held, before turning to her. 

"I think it no mere coincidence that you continue to appear wherever I am this week. You and your illustrious companion."

"Lady Susan is a friend, Mr. Parker," she told him, "Who called upon me while I am in London. There is no intent, _sir_ , save beyond the desire to be with friends. It is shameful of you to accuse me of anything else."

"What is shameful, is the way Lady Susan has been showing you about town, in your new finery," his eyes traced her gown, sending Charlotte's skin aflame, "As if you are some prize to be won, like a toy or a pet or-"

"That is enough!!!" Charlotte bellowed, feeling her anger begin to boil over, despite her efforts, "I will not stand here and listen as you speak so abominably about someone who has shown myself- and your family, I might add- nothing but kindness and generosity. Lady Susan asked me to accompany her this week and I accepted, think beyond that what you will, I having nothing to prove to you."

Charlotte moved swiftly towards the curtain to leave, the room suffocating her with it's impertinent occupant. A large hand grabbed her elbow, stopping her.

"Charlotte, wait-"

She jerked her arm from his grasp, as if his touch had burned her. 

"You are too familiar, sir,"

"Too familiar?" Sidney repeated, his head jerking back at her obvious disdain. His voice somehow growing even colder, "A proper lady you are now, Miss Heywood."

She glared at him, "We are what the world makes us."

Sidney scoffed, taking one, then two steps away from her, "And the world has made me a cruel and bitter man, is that it?"

How could he think like this? Act like this? Charlotte could not decide which emotion she felt more acutely; outrage or confusion?

"You anger confounds me, sir. Will you stand their and play the victim? To me?"

The wine glass flew across the room, crashing against the stone walls.

"I TOLD YOU!" Sidney cried out, storming up to Charlotte, bringing himself unbearably close, his voice fighting between anger and agony, "I told you I did not want to put myself in someone else's power!"

His anger made her want to weep. She grieved for a man who was right before her, and yet farther away than she could ever reach. Pain she did not understand, reflected in Sidney's eyes as Charlotte stared at him. She should have left, should have made a stop to this before it had begun. But the wound was open now. 

"You made a choice, Mr. Parker," her voice cracking, "A difficult one, I'll grant you, but you made it all the same. You are in no one's power but your own."

"And have been paying for that choice ever since!" he hissed.

"Have I not also paid for it!?" Charlotte cried out, her hand going to her chest, "No matter the choice you made, last summer, pain was inevitable, Mr. Parker. The only difference between you and I on that score is that your choice gave you a beautiful, wealthy, wife, who loves you, and whom you once loved. _I_ had no such comforts."

"You think I cared about any of it!? You think those are the things that make a man whole!?" he replied.

"I _think_ , Mr. Parker, that you should not be making me the villain in this play! It is cruel and unfeeling of you. You somehow contrive that my movements in life are revolved around punishing you, when nothing could be further from the truth."

He was silent for a moment, his eyes moving from the floor, to the window where a few stars could been seen shining. 

"So I should be happy then?" he asked, sounding defeated and bitter, "Content with my lot in life?"

Charlotte sighed, her eyes closed for a moment, wishing..... a thousand things, "I would not presume to tell you, sir."

"Why not, you're quite adept at it," he said. 

"Mr. Parker-"

"You've never called me Sidney," he said, softly, too softly, nearly a whisper. Charlotte swallowed and looked up to find warmth in his eyes, "I've called you by your Christian name many times, but you never have. Why is that?"

"It wouldn't be proper," she said, her voice quiet. She stood too closely to him. Or he to her. The room, the world around her dimmed, and only the face of the man before her remained. 

Sidney dipped his head, ever so slightly. His lips, a breathe away from her cheek.

"A shame," he murmured. 

Charlotte inhaled sharply, trying to bring herself to say something, anything. She had tried so hard to put their past behind her. She wanted nothing so badly as her freedom of this man whom she could not have, to be indifferent to him, to his presence. But if tonight had shown her anything, it was that it was all for naught and Charlotte could barely understand why. Did this man not frustrate her? Distress her? Make her angrier beyond any sense? Had they not been yelling at each other not moments ago?? She should be repulsed by him and yet, she stood before him, her body unwilling to leave the moment, unwilling to leave _him._

"Si-"

"Ah! Sidney! There you are!" Mr. Tom Parker's voice came from the alcove's opening, "I see you've found dear Charlotte. Georgianna will be pleased."

Sidney and Charlotte both jumped at the surprise entrance, springing apart involuntarily. Thankfully, Tom seemed as imperceptive as ever, unaware of just what he had walked into. 

Charlotte made for the entrance, ignoring the brown eyes that followed her.

"I should be getting back, excuse me Mr. Parker," she mumbled to Tom as she moved past him and out of the room unceremoniously. 

"I say, is everything alright?" Tom asked, noting Miss Heywood abrupt exit, "I hope you haven't said anything to upset Charlotte, Sidney. She's here with Lady Susan, you know."

"Not now, Tom," Sidney grumbled, his head aching from the wine....from much more than that. 

Tom Parker carried on, "Did you know there were five articles published about Lady Susan's visit to Sanditon last summer. Five! Although we are still waiting on her good _friend_ to visit."

"Dammit Tom, NOT NOW," Sidney yelled.

Tom looked at his brother in confusion, "Dear brother, you seem upset. Though I cannot imagine why."

"Can you not?" Sidney replied, "Are you really so ignorant, Tom?"

"I should think not," Tom asked innocently, "Ignorant of what?" 

Sidney dragged a hand over his face, exhaling deeply, trying to imagine the past ten minutes away. 

"Never mind," he told Tom, "Better to leave it be. Excuse me brother, it is past time I left. Make my apologies to Mary and the others, will you?"

Sidney could hear his brother replying but did not bother acknowledging it as he made his way out of the damn alcove he should never have entered in the first place. Damn him. Damn it all. 

Tom found Mary in the assembly room, just as the bells indicating the end of intermission began to ring.

"My dear," he told his wife, "The most peculiar thing just happened."

"What is it, Tom?" Mary asked, taking his arm as they slowly made their way back to the box. 

"Well I just happened upon Sidney," Tom explained, "He was discussing something with Miss Heywood and they both seemed quite befuddled. Charlotte left rather quickly, and Sidney, well he spoke to me in a rather forceful manner, my dear. Quite unbecoming of him, I daresay. But you know, I believe he was truly angry with me, and I do not have the foggiest idea why."

Mary sighed beside him, "Oh my dear Tom," she said, "I believe you and I need to have a talk when we return home."

"Yes? Whatever about my dear?"

* * *

"Charlotte and Sidney!?" Tom Parker exclaimed later that evening, when they had indeed returned home and Mary had spoken to him. 

"I confess, it took me some time to see it myself," she said, "But after his engagement was announced, and Charlotte left.....well, have you not wondered why your brother has been so despondent these past few months? After being so changed and happy at the midsummer ball?"

"Well I suppose Sidney has been a bit down in the mouth lately. But that's hardly unusual," Tom replied. 

"Unusual aside from his time spent with Charlotte. Unusual considering we all believed him to be married to an attractive, wealthy woman who he loved," Mary said. 

Tom nodded, finding a seat beside her, "I see your point, Mary."

"I fear you may not, my love," Mary said gravely.

"My dear?" Mr. Parker turned to his wife in confusion. 

"I......I believe your brother had intentions towards Charlotte. Before the fire," Mary began, "But then ours and Sanditon's circumstances changed. He went to London in an attempt to save us, and he returned with Eliza. Charlotte left soon thereafter."

Realization was beginning to hit Tom Parker, as Mary pressed on.

"Can you not see now, my dear? What he and Charlotte both have sacrificed for us? For Sanditon?"

"That....that cannot be," Tom said, "Oh please, Mary, say it is not true. Say it would not be so possible for me to ruin the happiness of my own brother and be so unaware of it. Oh Mary."

Mary took her husbands hand, "I am sorry, my love."

"Do you know this for certain? Did Charlotte confide in you?" Tom asked in desperation. 

"No, she did not tell me anything. Nor would she, I imagine, given how mercenary it looks for Sidney and guilty for us," Mary said, "I only have memories to look back on and examine. Tonight though.... I would imagine having to see and speak with Sidney would perhaps be difficult for Charlotte." 

"It all makes sense then," Tom said, sinking into his chair, "Oh my dear, Mary. How foolish I have been. However will I make amends? However will I apologize?"

"No, Tom," Mary spoke steadily, "I believe bringing this up to Sidney or Charlotte would not be the wisest decision, and may indeed cause them further harm. Not now, at any rate. As for making amends.....we must both endeavor to do what we can to make Sidney happen."

"And dear Charlotte," Tom added. 

"Yes, my love, and Charlotte."

* * *

Charlotte left for Willingden the next afternoon. 

Over the course of the weeks to follow, Charlotte tried to make sense out of all that had happened during her time in London. She had no idea what to think of her horrible confrontation with Mr. Parker. How on earth could she ever face him again? Because she would have to face him again, at Georgianna's wedding if nothing else.

As if her thoughts needed to be materialized, Charlotte's mother handed her an envelope. 

"Post came," she said absently, continuing about her day, leaving Charlotte to open the envelope alone. 

_To Miss Charlotte Heywood,_

_You are cordially invited to the wedding of Miss Georgianna Lambe and Mr. Elijah Hastings,_

_on the 25th of June, 1818_

_Mercy Hall, Sanditon_

Oh my. Charlotte thought. She stared at the invitation, reading and re-reading it. But it was the same every time. 

It seemed Charlotte was returning to Sanditon. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I did tag angst for a reason! The best is yet to come my loves. Hope you enjoyed this next chapter and thank you so much for your ongoing support. :)


	3. Chapter 3

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> A wedding, a storm, and more than one secret.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> How many regency romantic tropes can one fit in a chapter? I tried to find out lol. 
> 
> I just want to say a very big THANK YOU to everyone for their incredible support and encouragement. This is my first time writing for this fandom/genre and I was so anxious. Your readership and enthusiasm mean the absolute world to me! THANK YOU THANK YOU THANK YOU! You guys are truly amazing. I hope you find this next chapter enjoyable, I apologize for the wait, I had some difficulty finding the time to write and the chapter ended up being longer than I anticipated. Thank you again guys! :)

_February 18th, 1818_

_Dear Georgianna,_

_SANDITON?! You, who have never spoken a word of defense of that town, are now holding your wedding there?? I am confused and concerned. Are you well? Did you take a fall? Hit your head? Have a life-threatening fever? Please reply soon with an explanation or else I shall think you have been kidnapped._

_Love, Charlotte_

_March 2nd, 1818_

_Darling Charlotte,_

_You shall be happy to know that, I am in fact not kidnapped, concussed, or febrile. Elijah and I were persuaded that Sanditon would meet our needs more adequately than London. To have an entire town at our disposal is much more appealing than London's crowded ballrooms where half the society would be gawking at the colour of our skin in any case. Besides! I thought you would be pleased! You adore Sanditon! Now I have other news that if you are not already doing so, you may wish to sit down. Mr. Hastings and I have decided to go to Antigua for our honeymoon! Can you believe it Charlotte! I finally get to go home! If only for a month or so, but I shall cherish it all the same. Elijah is so good, I cannot quite believe it. I am so pathetically happy!!! Perhaps I shall bring Lady Denham back a pineapple?_

_Love, Georgianna_

_March 31st, 1818_

_Oh Georgianna! I am so thrilled for you my dear!! How terribly exciting this all is! I shall miss you most profoundly, but I will happily endure it, knowing what a wonderful time you are having. Such excellent news! What a marvelous way to begin your lives together. Now, about Sanditon. I am of course happy regarding your new choice of venue, it just caught me by surprise! Your rationale makes very good sense, though I am sad to see you denied a London wedding partially because of those who are too ignorant and mean-hearted. But I have no doubt we shall make Sanditon every bit as glamorous and beautiful for your wedding as London ever dared to be. Perhaps we can borrow Mr. Sidney Parker's tyrannical housekeeper?_

_Yours, Charlotte_

_May 28th, 1818_

_Dear Charlotte,_

_Less than a month away from my wedding, Charlotte! Can you believe it? I know I cannot. I am still up to my elbows in linen samples and lace. Being a bride to be is quite strenuous my dear! Elijah is no help, and Sidney has yet to come back from his trip abroad. I presume he went to see Eliza, but the man gives no details. If he does not return for my wedding, I shan't bring him back a thing from Antigua. And possibly toss a drink in his face. I always wanted to do that to a man, and it would be warranted, don't you think? I am a greedy friend and wish you were here to help me with all of this. Although I am so grateful you decided to come to Sanditon a week before the wedding. I have secured us rooms there so that we do not have to stay with the dreaded Beaufort girls or have to stay with the Parkers where I would be forced to share you. There is so much to look forward to my dearest, Charlotte. I am quite overwhelmed! When you met me, nearly a year ago, I would not think my life would ever become as blissful as all of this._

_Just a few more weeks my darling, Charlotte!_

_Love, Georgianna_

Sanditon was ever much the same as when Charlotte had left it, last summer. Yes, many of the buildings had been rebuilt, and it was significantly busier than she remembered, but the general feeling she had when she walked down the street or when she went to the beach or walked along the clifftops, was ever the same as before. She worried that perhaps it would be difficult to be there, after what had transpired, but thankfully, it was not. Although, that could have been in part due to the reason for returning to Sanditon. 

Georgianna's wedding was all anyone was talking about. Mr. Tom Parker was beside himself with excitement and planning and worriment regarding the event. He was proud of the city Sanditon had become and wanted nothing more than to showcase that with Georgianna and Elijah's wedding. Not that Georgianna minded. Though she was no great admirer of Tom, she did enjoy being doted on and seeing her wishes for the event come to life. The wedding was still a few days away yet, and the town already looked transformed. The roads were cleaned, the shop windows washed, and flowers appeared any and everywhere. It was lovely. 

"Alright Charlotte," Georgianna said from behind the partition at the dressmakers, "I'm coming out."

Charlotte sat patiently on a plush chair, as a stunning Georgianna walked into the room and stepped onto the lifted platform. Charlotte gasped.

"Oh Georgianna," she said, looking at her friend in her wedding dress for the first time, "You are lovely." 

The dress was exquisite. Lace and ruffles and embroidered crystals danced across the gown. Georgianna had forgone the classic cream colour, and instead had chosen a soft lilac that suited her perfectly. 

"Charlotte you are the only one I trust to give me an honest opinion. I will not accept any coddling," Georgianna said sternly as she looked from Charlotte to herself in the mirror. 

"I would not dare," Charlotte laughed, "But truly there is no need, the dress is magnificent, Georgianna, as are you. Truly _._ "

Georgianna smiled brightly, "You really think so?"

"I could not have imagined a more beautiful gown, my dear. It suits you perfectly," she replied. 

"It is a shame one only gets to wear their wedding dress once, isn't it," Georgianna said.

"A great shame indeed," Charlotte agreed. 

She had been in Sanditon with Georgianna for three days now. Three days balancing wedding planning and social visits. Her and Georgianna had had dinner at Trafalgar House on her second night in town. It was wonderful to see everyone again and to see just how much the children had grown. It had been nearly a year and she had missed them all terribly. Mr. Sidney Parker was not present. Charlotte wondered if his trip abroad was delaying him, or if her presence had any interference in the matter. They had not spoken since the night at the theatre. That awful, _awful_ night. It had been months and it still made Charlotte's stomach twist in knots thinking about it. 

But Georgianna had assured her later that evening that Sidney was in London, detained only by business, and would be joining them in the next day or two. Charlotte hoped that was the truth. How she was going to react to his presence, she did not know. But she did know that his absence hurt Georgianna and that was all that mattered. 

"Can you believe it, Charlotte," Georgianna asked as she twirled on the platform, "In only a matter of days, I shall be wearing this dress down the aisle." 

"Mr. Hastings will be quite mesmerized, I have no doubt," Charlotte replied. 

"I do wonder what being married will be like. I do not wish for too much to change," Georgianna said, her face crumpled slightly at the thought.

"Well I certainly have no authority on the matter," Charlotte said, "But I would expect a good amount to change, Georgianna. You will be sharing all of your life with a whole other person. I would imagine change cannot be helped. Though that is not to say it would not be for the better." 

"What are your parents like, Charlotte," Georgianna turned to her friend, "Do they have a happy marriage?" 

Charlotte shrugged, "I believe so. It may not be the sort of marriage one reads in novels, but they care very much for each other, that much I know...... and I am the eldest of _eleven_ children after all." 

Laughter filled the dress shop then as they both failed to contain their amusement at Charlotte's declaration. When they had both caught their breath, Georgianna came to sit beside Charlotte. 

"I should like to meet them one day," she said. 

"One day I hope you shall," Charlotte replied, taking her friend's hand, "Now you best get out of that gown or else we shall be late." 

"Blast," Georgianna said, realizing the time. She made her way back to the partition to undress. 

Lady Denham was hosting a grand picnic this afternoon at her estate, in honour of the soon-to-be Mr. and Mrs. Hastings. Charlotte believed it to be an attempt on Lady Denham's part to make up for the previous luncheon she had hosted for Georgianna last summer, and when Charlotte and Georgianna reached Sanditon House, it was clear that unlike last years luncheon, there would be a complete lack of rotten fruit, and rotten manners. 

Charlotte had been to many a picnic in her 23 years, but nearly all of them involved roving children, plain biscuits, and quite a bit of dirt. This picnic, however, appeared to be everything extravagant and orderly. 

"Oh, Georgianna," Charlotte whispered to her friend in awe, for the second time that day. The two girls had stopped at the top of the hill, looking down on the gathering below. 

Streamers, flowers, tents, and lace littered the large clearing. Servants scurried about, setting up furniture, refreshments, and what appeared to be games. 

"Who knew that brazen old woman had it in her?" Georgianna laughed in disbelief. 

"My dear," Charlotte turned to her friend, "It seems Lady Denham has decided not to throw you a picnic, but rather an entire garden party." 

"That is most unfortunate," Georgianna said. 

"Unfortunate?" 

"For now I shall have to be civil to her."

The two girls burst out laughing, their spirits rising in anticipation. 

"Come on," Georgianna grabbed Charlotte's hand, making her run down the hill with her. They laughed and squealed like children all the way down. 

They reached the bottom of the hill, out of breath and grinning. They seemed to be the first to arrive, as a few servants looked up at them and the spectacle they were making. Some frowned at their unsophisticated behaviour, but others smiled before returning to their work. 

It was a cloudy but warm day. If the sun had shown itself, the heat may have made the party a touch unbearable. Thankfully, that was not the case. 

The party looked even grander up close. Lady Denham appeared to have discovered Georgianna's love of purple, as purple lace and ribbons and flowers decorated every table and tent. 

"I see you are breaking the habit, of being late to my gatherings, Miss Lambe," Lady Denham's coarse voice came out from the crowd of servants, "Though your entrances still leave something to be desired."

"The grounds look lovely, Lady Denham," Charlotte said, "I feel as though I've entered some sort of fairytale." 

Lady Denham made her way towards the girls, "Well it certainly was no fairies who did all this work, I assure you." 

"Well, whoever did," Georgianna spoke sincerely, "I owe them my thanks. It is very beautiful, Lady Denham."

"Yes, yes, enough of that," Lady D waved her hand at their compliments, as if uncomfortable by the appreciation. 

"The other guests will be arriving shortly, I'm sure. Let us go and greet them," Lady Denham was moving to the front of the clearing before she finished her sentence, gesturing for the girls to follow. 

Mr. Hastings and Miss Esme were the next to arrive, which elated Georgianna. Mr. Adams was close behind, along with Lord and Lady Babington. It did not take long before Lady Denham's backyard was filled with guests talking, walking, eating, and, lounging. The atmosphere was jovial. Everyone loved a wedding and the anticipation and excitement leading up to one was almost as enthralling. 

All of the Parkers were present. Including Mr. Sidney Parker. Charlotte had not spoken to him since January. She had spent weeks and perhaps even months going over their conversation in the alcove. Charlotte frequently rotate from being angry at the man's accusations and behaviour, to ashamed of her own temper, to utterly confounded that the conversation had happened at all. Eventually, she had come to a conclusion. There was no point in trying to make sense of it. No point in wasting her time, pondering Mr. Parker's actions or her own. Pain was the only real explanation and it, unfortunately, did not have a cure aside from time. And perhaps a stiff drink on occasion. 

All of these thoughts made Charlotte's first sighting of him at the picnic, slightly less nerve-racking than before. Slightly. 

Archery for the ladies, a shooting range for the gentlemen, and crochet for all, were set up throughout the grounds for the guests' entertainment. A small sort of competition was commencing. The ladies with their archery were in the midst of theirs, with the gentlemen setting up for their own shortly after. Charlotte was watching the women demonstrate their skills with Georgianna and a handful of others. The Beaufort girls shrieked with glee every time one of their arrows managed to hit the target. 

"You are not partaking in the archery, Miss Heywood?" Mr. Arthur Parker asked, a sandwich and several biscuits packed onto a small china plate, "I am surprised, knowing your talent for sport." 

"Just not this sport I'm afraid," Charlotte sighed and smiled at Arthur. 

"I recall you mentioning you are a hunter, Miss Heywood, is that not right?" Mr. Adams took the opportunity to be involved in the conversation. 

"I do not hunt with a bow and arrow, Mr. Adams," Charlotte replied. 

"Stones then," Lord Babington teased. 

"As it happens, I hunt with the same tool you gentlemen are about to showcase for us," Charlotte replied. 

"Truly?" Mr. Hastings chimed in, "Well then you must join us, Miss Heywood!"

Mr. Hastings' offer was sincere, despite the whispers it brought on. 

"Oh, I do not think-" 

"Come, Miss Heywood," Mr. Adams said, "It would not be a true competition without all able competitors. I even offer my rifle for your round." 

"That's very kind of you, Mr. Adams but I do not wish to disturb the contest," Charlotte replied.

"Nonsense," Georgianna spoke up beside her, "Charlotte, you do what you like. Nevermind how _disturbed_ the gentlemen may be. It is my party after all, and I say you shoot. If that is what you wish." 

Charlotte smiled at her. 

"I must agree with my fiance, Miss Heywood," Mr. Hastings said with a grin before turning to the men, "Though I cannot imagine why any of these fine gentlemen would not welcome your participation." 

"Unless they are afraid," Lady Esther Babington chimed in, approaching the group after having just shot a near bullseye herself. 

"Well, you know no man here would admit to that my love," Lord Babington came to Esther's side, taking her bow. 

"That settles it then," Mr. Adams said, "If it meets with your approval, Miss Heywood."

Charlotte inhaled, a bit overwhelmed and nervous by being put on the spot, "I do not wish to oversell my skill, but I would be happy to join you."

"Wonderful!" Mr. Hastings clapped his hands together in delight. 

"You better go now, before Lady Denham or Mrs. Griffiths says something about how unladylike it is to shoot," Georgianna to Charlotte. She gave Charlotte an enormous smile, "Knock their egos down a few pegs will you?" 

Charlotte laughed, giving Georgianna a kiss on the cheek before moving to stand, "I shall do my best." 

With trepidation and excitement coursing through her, Charlotte made her way to the shooting range the servants had set up. She had lived on a farm and hunted in the woods her entire life, but that did not assuage her anxiety. These gentlemen had had proper lessons with expensive rifles, and expert instructors, not just their father and a hand-me-down firearm. But Charlotte could not help her competitive nature, and she did enjoy shooting. Even if she missed the target entirely, she would keep her chin up, and smile at the attempt. 

She had no rifle to inspect or hold onto, so she waited and watched as each man stepped up to the line, and took their best shot. Mr.Arthur Parker nearly fell backward from the force of the shot, but somehow managed to hit the target. Lord Babington missed the target entirely. His wife having distracted him with an ill-timed -or possibly well-timed- 'good luck.' Lady Babington grinned mischievously at her husband as he stepped down from the line, shaking his head at her. 

Mr. Sidney Parker shot well. His bullet hitting just to the inside of the center circle. He was rewarded with cheers from the onlooking crowd and pats on the back from the other men. Charlotte watched him curiously but said nothing. Of course, he would be the most skilled opponent. Of course he would be. 

Mr. Adams followed him, making a bit of a show of his stance, causing a few swoons from the younger Beaufort sisters. His shot, however, was lacking, as it hit to the outside of one of the middle rings. He frowned but shrugged it off, making his way to Charlotte. 

"I hope you have better luck with it than I did, Miss Heywood," he told her, handing her the large rifle. 

"It was a fine shot, Mr. Adams," she told him sympathetically, "But I welcome all the luck I can get." 

She took the rifle and began to set it up for her go. A servant handed her the necessary tools, a somewhat confused look on his face due to the gender of the shooter. 

When all met with her approval, she made her way to the standing line. Mr. Adams was by the target, making to move it closer. 

"That will not be necessary, Mr. Adams," she called out, trying not to sound arrogant.

Mr. Adams stopped, "Well, I only thought-" 

"Careful, Mr. Adams," Sidney Parker called out from the sidelines, "It would be in your best interest not to underestimate, Miss Heywood. I say this from experience." 

Arthur laughed, Mr. Adams shrugged, leaving the target where it was, and Charlotte tried not to stare at the man who made the comment. 

_I've done you a great discourtesy, Miss Heywood. I've underestimated you_. 

She remembered that conversation vividly. She remembered the guilt she had felt, the shame for accusing him of such prejudice and ignorance. With those few sentences, Sidney had taken that all away. He had made her feel powerful and worthy. He made her feel like she was someone who...... he had made her feel like she was _someone._

Oh, dear. 

Charlotte blinked, bringing herself back to the present, shaking off the lingering memory. It was ludicrous to think the man would remember that conversation as she had, and even more unbelievable that he would refer to it now of all times. Surely he was only referring to the cricket match last summer, or perhaps her actions when the elder Mr. Stringer was injured. Or perhaps he was referring to nothing at all. Charlotte shook herself. She had to focus on what was in front of her, not behind. She took a long, steadying breath. Charlotte had done this hundreds of times before. This should not be any different. Charlotte faced the target, adjusting her stance slightly. Raising the heavy rifle to her shoulder, she inhaled once more, focusing on the bullseye before exhaling, squeezing the trigger. A loud BANG echoed in her ear. The kick of the rifle punched into her shoulder but her feet stayed where they were. 

Cheers from the crowd erupted and more than one gentleman stood gaping at her shot. 

"Miss Heywood, I should hate to be an enemy of yours," Mr. Adams. 

Charlotte laughed and watched as Tom Parker went to the target to inspect her shot. Charlotte truly did not care where she had placed, so long as she had not embarrassed herself. She looked to Georgianna and gave her friend a wink. She smiled at her in return. 

"It appears we have a tie!" Mr. Tom Parker announced. He pointed to the two shots, just on the edge of the bullseye. 

Sidney and Charlotte's shots. 

Applause rang out from the onlookers and the other shooters. Charlotte blushed. 

"Well done, Miss Heywood!" Mr. Tom Parker said, shaking her hand aggressively, "And Sidney of course!" 

Sidney approached them, re-buttoning his cufflinks as he walked. 

"Shall we have another round to break the tie?" Tom asked. 

"I believe I am happy to share the title if you are, Miss Heywood," he looked at her then, his lips in a half-smile that made Charlotte's heart flutter. Something was....different about him. His demeanor seemed much changed since she had last seen him. The coldness still there, still on the edges of his expression, but mingled with something else. Something utterly incongruous.

Warmth. 

Sidney extended his right hand towards her. 

"I would welcome it, Mr. Parker," she said, meeting his gaze. Charlotte reached out and took the offering, her small hand joining his. She could have sworn she felt his thumb graze across her skin before he gave her hand a small squeeze.

Her hand tingled from his touch. Charlotte tried to ignore it, but disentangled her hand from his warm one and took a small step away from him just to be safe. 

"Then we do indeed have a tie!" Tom announced to the rest of the guests. More applause was awarded, as the servants scrambled to remove the targets and other equipment. 

Georgianna swopped in and pulled Charlotte's arm into hers. 

"You never disappoint, Charlotte," she told her with a grin, "Heaven's, I think you traumatized poor Mr. Adams."

The afternoon continued on splendidly. Everyone ate and talked and laughed and genuinely enjoyed themselves. Charlotte was grateful to Lady Denham. It was the perfect occasion before the wedding, where everyone could relax and relish in the festivities. 

Georgianna and Mr. Hastings were walking about the grounds when Lady Babington approached Charlotte. 

"Lord Babington has abandoned me to help bring out more wine. Will you walk with me aways, Miss Heywood?" Esther asked.

"Of course, Lady Babington. That would be lovely," Charlotte replied. 

"Esther," the lady corrected, looping Charlotte's arm in hers as they began to make their way through the park. 

"How did you enjoy the rest of your stay in London this past winter, Miss Heywood?" 

"Charlotte," she corrected with a smile, "It was a bit overwhelming, to be honest. But I enjoyed myself a great deal." 

"You stayed with Lady Susan I hear," Esther said. 

Charlotte nodded, "Yes I did. She's a great friend and has been most kind to me." 

Esther murmured her approval. 

"And how are you adjusting to living in London, my lady?" Charlotte inquired. It felt a bit strange to be walking and making conversation with a woman she would hardly call a friend at the beginning of last summer, but Charlotte had seen more and more aspects of Esther Babington since then, and she found that despite them not knowing each other very well, she liked the lady very much. 

"Esther," she corrected again, "And I like it well enough. Though there is some comfort in returning home, is there not?"

"You did not always hold Sanditon in such regard, I think," Charlotte said. 

"No. But time has a way of evolving one's perspectives, wouldn't you agree?" 

Charlotte nodded, "Indeed, I would." 

"Before long, the gifts a place has given you seem to far outweigh the trials," Esther replied, suddenly turning to Charlotte. 

"Miss Heywood-"

"Charlotte," she corrected. 

Esther gave a small smirk, "Charlotte. I wish to thank you for your kindness and assistance to me at the ball last summer. It was good of you to help at such a time. I know I was not exactly warm towards you then and well.... thank you." 

"You are most welcome," Charlotte said with all sincerity, "I am only glad it all worked out for you in the end. You and Lord Babington seem very happy." 

Esther bit her lip, her cheeks flushing, "May I tell you something, Charlotte? In confidence?"

"Of course," Charlotte replied immediately. 

"I am happy. In fact......." Esther's free hand moved down to her stomach for just a moment, cupping a very subtle bump. 

"OH ESTHER!" Charlotte exclaimed, taking the lady's hands in her own. 

"Shhhhhh," Esther reprimanded, "For heaven's sake, the whole party will discover. I do not wish to make a spectacle of myself." 

Charlotte ignored the woman's plea and gave her a quick congratulatory peck on the cheek. 

  
"I am very happy for you both." 

Esther sighed, taking her arm again, returning to their walk, "Just pray the creature does not have it's father's ears. Or wit. Poor thing deserves better." 

Charlotte could not help but laugh. What a wonderful summer this was shaping out to be, Charlotte thought to herself. 

"Oh dear," Esther said, as she looked down at her dress, which was slowly being speckled with raindrops. Charlotte looked up to the sky as thunder began to rumble across it. 

Perhaps she had spoken too soon. 

The two of them were quite aways from the tents and the house entrance, and as the spitting of rain began to evolve into a downpour, Charlotte eyed the nearest shelter; a small stone pavilion not too far away. 

"Come, Esther!" Charlotte took her friend's arm tightly, supporting her as they made their way through the cascading rain. They were nearly there when Esther tripped over a root, bringing her down to her knees. Charlotte gasped and immediately reached down to assist. 

"Are you alright?" she asked. 

"I-I think so," Esther looked pale, her hand moving protectively to her stomach. 

Charlotte put her arms around the woman's shoulders only to be met by another's arm. 

"Let's get you up, shall we?" Mr. Sidney Parker appeared on the other side of Esther, easing her up onto her feet effortlessly. His eyes met with Charlotte's for a brief moment, before gesturing to the pavilion. Charlotte nodded, and the three of them quickly made their way to the shelter. 

More thunder echoed across the sky as they finally got out of the rain. 

"Esther?" Charlotte asked, looking the woman over for any signs of injury or distress. 

"I'm fine, truly," Esther told her, "Nothing to fuss over." 

Charlotte frowned but did not argue. 

A man was running from the great house towards them, an umbrella in his hand. Lord Babington wasted no time in getting to his wife. 

  
"My dear, I am so sorry," he said as he entered the pavilion out of breath. 

Esther chided her husband but allowed him to take her arm and escort her out of the pavilion and back to the house, with the protection of the umbrella to keep off the rain. 

Which left Charlotte alone. With Sidney. 

Charlotte wondered if it was commonplace to be ambushed into a situation where the person you formally had romantic notions towards was constantly present, or if it was just her terrible luck. Perhaps she had kicked a puppy in another life or slapped a nun. Something to warrant this trickery of fate. 

"She told you,' his voice came from beside her. Charlotte turned to face him. Raindrops slowly dripped down the side of his face and she realized then, why he had been so quick to assist her and Esther. 

"He told _you_ ," she replied. Of course, Babington would tell Sidney. And of course, he would keep an eye out for her while Babington was busy. 

Sidney sighed, "He did. And has been annoyingly happy ever since." 

Charlotte let out a small laugh, "Can you blame him?" 

He looked at her, lips curving upwards.

"No. I suppose I cannot." 

There was a moment of quiet between them, the sound of rain and thunder still surrounding them. 

"We nearly just had a conversation there," Charlotte found herself saying. 

Mr. Parker laughed. He _laughed._

"No, I do not think it can truly be considered a conversation until I have said something dreadfully offensive and you have stormed off." 

His outrageously honest reply shocked some part of her but enthralled another. 

"Well, I do hope you wait to offend me until the rain has stopped. I would not wish to ruin this dress any further," she retorted, grinning as she looked down at her damp and somewhat disheveled dress. 

She looked up, expecting to find a similar look of humor on Mr. Parker's face, but she nearly gasped when she was instead met with dark, burning eyes. Eyes that were tracing over her damp body, down the wet silk that clasped to her form. 

Charlotte could not breathe. She could not move. And she dare not speak. 

She had never seen that look in a man's eyes, except perhaps once. On the cliff tops of Sanditon. 

Lightning crashed in the field behind them, making Charlotte jump. 

Mr. Parker mumbled what she believed to be an excessive amount of profanity under his breath. 

"Before you start shivering, Miss Heywood," he grumbled, relieving himself of his jacket and extending the coat to her. Charlotte could not help but think there were other reasons for his generosity. 

"I'm fine, really, I-" 

"No arguments just this once, Miss Heywood," he said to her, the jacket hanging between them. 

Charlotte conceded, taking the coat from him and wrapping it about her shoulders. It was warm, and still dry underneath. It smelled like rain and gunsmoke and _Sidney_. 

Good lord she was pathetic. Mooning over a _jacket._ But in that moment, Charlotte did not care. At least they were not yelling at each other. At least Mr. Parker seemed more composed if not content than he was in January. At least Charlotte could be in his presence without entirely dissembling. She would allow herself this weakness, as she wrapped the warm cloth tighter around her. 

Mr. Parker cleared his throat, 

"You uhhh, shot well today, Miss Heywood," he said, "You are never short of surprises it seems." 

Something in what he said, or perhaps the way in which he said it, irritated Charlotte. 

"For those who know me, it is perhaps less surprising, sir," she retorted. 

The man's eyes narrowed, "And I do not know, is that it, Miss Heywood?" 

"I did not say that."

"The implication was clear." 

Charlotte looked up at Sidney,

"Would you refute it then? Claim that you do know me?" she asked. 

Sidney's voice softened, "I would claim that I would like to.......if I could." 

Lord, it was happening again. Their terrible, vicious cycle of confrontation and vexation. Charlotte turned away, unable to look at him any longer. _If he could._ Oh indeed. If if if if if if. She wished she could purge the cursed word from her mind. 

"I've said the prophetic offensive thing, haven't I," Mr. Parker said, his voice low and sad. 

Charlotte sighed, 

"Well, as I haven't yet run off, that cannot be the case." 

The rain finally began to fade, the storm turning north, away from Sanditon House. Charlotte almost grieved for the loss. 

"Best try for it now, lest it comes back," Mr. Parker gestured to the house. 

Charlotte nodded. She turned to leave the pavilion. Before she realized what was happening, Mr. Parker had grabbed her hand, pulling her along at a run out of the pavilion, through the ruined party decorations, and onto the steps of the great house. No one was about to witness such impropriety, but Charlotte still could not help the blush that traveled down her face and neck. Despite all of that, she gripped his hand tighter. 

When they reached the covered steps of the great house, Sidney's hand fell from hers. 

Charlotte reluctantly extracted the coat from her shoulders.

"Thank you for your assistance, Mr. Parker," she said, handing him the garment. 

He frowned slightly at the jacket as if it had offended him somehow, before taking it from her. He bowed, just a fraction. 

"Miss Heywood," he said, before turning towards the stairs, leaving her alone on the steps of Sanditon House. 

* * *

"Hand me that ribbon, would you, Charlotte?" Mary asked. 

Georgianna's wedding day had finally arrived, and the Parker's home was abuzz with excitement. One of the sitting rooms had been temporarily converted into a dressing area for the bride and ladies. Georgianna had agreed to Charlotte's suggestion that they get ready here, at Trafalgar house, rather than alone in their rented rooms. It made for a slightly more hectic environment, as the kids ran about and the women dashed from room to room with optional accessories. But Georgianna barely noticed the chaos, as she was in such a daze of surreal happiness. Her wedding day was truly and finally here. 

Charlotte wore a soft pink gown, with embroidered flowers around the neckline. It complimented Georgianna's dress without drawing attention away from it. Charlotte had just put the last pin in her hair when Georgianna entered the sitting room. 

"Oh how lovely you look, Miss Lambe!" Mary sighed in awe at her guest, watching the young woman enter the room. 

Charlotte walked over to her friend, took her hands, and gave her a quick kiss on the cheek. 

"If Mr. Hastings does not faint at the sight of you, I shall be very much shocked," Charlotte grinned, "You make a beautiful bride my darling friend." 

Georgianna gave her a nervous but genuine smile in return. 

"If anyone is fainting today, it shall be me. I think my maid pulled my corset too tight." 

Georgianna fanned herself and reached around to her laces with her other hand. 

"I'm afraid it is not the corset that disturbs you, my dear," Mary said with a knowing smile, "I was the same way when I married Tom. Fear not, no one fainted then either." 

"You see Georgianna," Charlotte teased, "There is hope for you yet." 

A knock came from the door. 

"My dear, is everything alright?" Tom Parker's voice called out from the other side. 

"Very well, Tom," Mary replied, securing the last ribbon around her waist. 

"Best hurry up my love. I believe they are ready for us," Mr. Parker said. 

With the final touches placed, they all hurried their way into the carriage that was waiting to take them to the church. Georgianna was quiet on the way there, fussing over her hair and dress, biting her lip in trepidation. Charlotte made no comment but took her friend's hand in hers, giving it a tight, support squeeze. 

As with so many weddings, the day went by in a blur. They arrived at the church and in what felt like moments, Charlotte was walking down the aisle with Mr. Adams, the best man. The churched was full to the brim, everyone wanting to catch a glimpse of the heiress and her wealthy businessman. Charlotte took her spot at the front of the church near the altar, waiting for Georgianna to join her. 

The piano began to play a different song, signaling the bride's grand entrance. The crowd on both sides stood, all eyes now staring down at Georgianna. 

But she was not alone. Standing by her side, was Sidney. Georgianna laid her left hand gently on Mr. Parker's arm and the two shared a crooked smile, like siblings who knew a secret and promised to never tell their parents. He walked her down the aisle, giving her a kiss on the cheek, murmuring words of encouragement before placing Georgianna's hand in Elijah's. 

Charlotte tried very hard to fight the tears that pooled in her eyes from falling. She failed. Miserably. 

By the end of the ceremony, as the priest proclaimed them husband and wife, Charlotte was a puddle. She wiped the tears from her cheeks and applauded as the two shared their first kiss as a married couple. 

The reception held at the newly rebuilt hall was just as beautiful and glamorous and joyful as Georgianna had wished it to be. London could not compare to the warmth of family and friends, or to the meticulous work put in for whom Sanditon had decreed was their great heiress. Champagne, music and, dancing were abundant throughout the party. The newlyweds danced nearly every dance, their eyes rarely moving away from one another. 

Charlotte was dancing with Mr. Adams again. He was an entertaining enough partner, and Charlotte hated to refuse any opportunity to dance. When their country dance finished, they bowed and clapped for the musicians. Mr. Adams' smiled at her before something behind her caught his attention. 

"Ah, Mr. Parker," he said, "Does the new Mrs. Hastings require Miss Heywood?" 

"No," Sidney replied, moving to stand beside her, "I came to see if Miss Heywood would join me in the next dance." 

Charlotte ignored the quickening of her heart. 

"I'd be delighted to, Mr. Parker," she replied, shocked that she could even speak coherently. _What on earth was he doing?_

The two gentlemen bowed before Mr. Adams took his leave. Sidney took her hand, leading her to a more central spot on the dance floor. Charlotte prayed that he could not feel her hands shaking in his. The last time she danced with this man, was the night she realized she was in love with him. Dancing with him again would bring nothing but calamity. At best. And yet when the beginning notes of a waltz filled the room, she decided she had no choice but to embrace the catastrophe. 

Sidney pulled her in close, his arm wrapping around her back. His grip on her hand tightened just a fraction before he began to lead them into the first steps of the dance. Why did it have to be a waltz? Being this close to him was tortuous. 

"So, Miss Heywood," he said casually, "What do you think of the newlyweds? Are they compatible?" 

"Nothing I have seen has given me any reason to believe otherwise," Charlotte replied. She looked over at the dancing bride and groom with a smile. Though she was surprised when she found Georgianna staring at them. Or rather, frowning at them. Was she displeased they were dancing together? Charlotte did not have very much time to think further on it before Sidney had spun her around, and she was unable to see Georgianna any longer. 

"And do you think she'll be happy? In her new life?" he asked her. 

"The future is always uncertain, and change, no matter how pleasant, can be difficult," Charlotte replied, "But yes, I do believe she will be. I hope so at any rate." 

Sidney only nodded at her answer. They navigated their way through the other dancing couples, though Charlotte hardly noticed, trying as hard as she could to not focus on the man who held her in his arms. 

"How long will you be staying in Sanditon, Mr. Parker?" she heard herself asking. Talking was better than her mind being allowed to wander. 

"I return to London in the morning," he replied, "There is an urgent matter there that requires my attention." 

"I heard you were abroad for a good while this spring," she continued," I hope you found Mrs. Eliza Parker well." 

Charlotte could feel him tensing, could see his jaw tighten. Eliza was not at the wedding. She remained as absent as she had been in the winter. Charlotte had ignored the few whispers that surrounded the topic, but it was baffling, to say the least. Did the woman really despise Georgianna's marriage so much as to abandon it entirely? 

Mr. Parker did not seem inclined to address her inquiry, as he mumbled an incoherent reply, and turned her about once more as if to distract her train of thought. She let him. It was not her place to pry, and certainly not her place to pry about his marriage. 

"May I ask you a question, Miss Heywood?" 

"Of course," she replied. 

Sidney inhaled deeply. His eyes remained on the crowd and the room, rather than her. She was unsure if that was deliberate or not. 

"You once said we can rewrite our history. Do you still believe that?' 

Charlotte felt something wither and die inside her. It was unfair the words he used. Unfair that she would have to face them. She paused a good while before replying. 

"No," she said, trying to sound composed while she felt herself unraveling, "No I do not. But I do believe we can rewrite what the past means to us now, in the present, and how we allow it to affect our futures."

It was the most honest answer she could give him. It would be easier, simpler if one could simply snap their fingers and rearrange their past to best suit their desired present. But something Charlotte had discovered was that the past was only as powerful as you allowed it to be. 

Sidney was quiet, his brows knit together in confusion or concentration, Charlotte could not tell. 

"May I ask you a question, Mr. Parker?" 

"Certainly," he replied. 

"Why did you ask me to dance?" it was a dangerous question, but one she could not help herself in asking. 

"Is it not obvious," he said, his small smile returning, "Because I wished to." 

He twirled her about before returning her back to his arms. His eyes met hers finally. 

"Or perhaps I am a masochist," he nearly whispered to her, as if speaking to himself. But his eyes stayed on her. His soft, warm brown eyes that seemed to see right to her soul. 

"I..I do not wish to cause you pain," she whispered in return. It was the last thing she could ever want. The feeling of felicity and rightness when she was with him was not a good enough reason if it meant causing him harm. 

"Nor I, you," he replied. 

"But it keeps happening, doesn't it," she said. She felt like she was falling, or rather drifting away from something. Like moving backward down a dark tunnel; the light at the end getting smaller and smaller. 

Sidney exhaled deeply but said nothing. The song was coming to an end, and it was then that Charlotte realized they had already stopped dancing. They stood in the center of the ballroom, eyes fixated on each other. 

Charlotte forced herself to take a step back. The light in the tunnel getting dimmer and dimmer. 

"Perhaps...." she cleared her throat, pushing aside all the emotion that rested there, "Perhaps it would be best then, if, in the future....you did not ask me to dance." 

Sidney's face dropped, his eyes no longer visible to her. 

"If that is what you would wish, Miss Heywood," he said. 

In a hundred years this man would never know, never understand just what she truly wished for. 

"It is," she whispered. A truth and a lie.

Mr. Parker nodded. He took Charlotte's hand in his own, raising it to his lips. 

"If that be the case, then may I take the opportunity to say thank you, Charlotte......for the dance," his lips brushed against the bare skin of her hand. 

Without another word or look, Sidney turned and walked away, leaving Charlotte utterly, terribly, in the dark. 

* * *

Much later that evening, after the newlyweds were whisked away to their honeymoon, and the reception had come to an end, a small group stayed behind, per Mr. Sidney Parker's request. 

There, in the great hall's salon, sat Mr. and Mrs. Tom Parker, Diana Parker, Arthur Parker, and Lord and Lady Babington. All waiting, perplexed as to what had prompted such a meeting. 

Sidney took a long sip of brandy before turning to his audience, to those whom he considered family. 

"Thank you all for staying," he spoke, the voices quieted, all eyes turned to him. 

"I am sorry to keep you away from the rest of your evening, but I fear time is of the essence, and I believe you have a right to know this information sooner rather than later," he sighed, "Though I confess, it may already be too late to make a difference." 

"Good God, Sidney," Tom said, his expression as confused as the others, "What on earth is going on?" 

Sidney poured himself another brandy.

"Eliza has gone missing."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I know it was a long chapter but I hope you all enjoyed it! We are coming to the end soon my dears. The next chapter will be the final part to this story but don't worry, I have a LOT planned for part 4. Thank you so much for your readership and support.


	4. Chapter 4

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The truth will out.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sooo apparently I am a big fat liar. I told you guys this would be the last chapter but HEY GUESS WHAT your girl was wrong lol. The story has a way of going directions I did not anticipate, so here is the SECOND to last installment of Return to Sanditon. Thank you again for all the love and support. It makes all the hours of writing and struggling to find motivation worth it. I am sorry the story will not go on for as long as some of y'all would like, but I hope the extra chapter eases that frustration :D. 
> 
> Love you guys.
> 
> TW for this chapter: near-drowning

"Missing?" Tom asked, "What on earth do you mean, missing?" 

Sidney rubbed his hand over his face. 

"I mean that one morning in December, I woke to find Eliza gone. Disappeared. No note, no message, no nothing."

"Oh my dear brother," Diana spoke, "Has she been kidnapped do you think?" 

Sidney was beginning to think that no amount of brandy would be enough to make this conversation easier. 

"No," he grunted, "There were no signs of forced entry, nothing stolen or out of place, save for some of Eliza's wardrobe." 

"Six months, Sidney?" Babington spoke up, "Did you contact the authorities?" 

"I did so immediately," Sidney replied, "But as there was no evidence that a crime had been committed, there was little they could do." 

"Oh, Sidney," Mary said, her voice filled with sympathy. 

"So I hired a private detective," he continued, "Who has been working to trace her whereabouts ever since."

The look on the others' faces made Sidney want to scream. He understood their shock, their confusion. He had experienced the same emotions the morning she left. And many mornings thereafter. He hated to burden any of them with this knowledge, but there was too much in motion now, too much about to happen. They had a right to know, and Sidney an obligation to tell them. 

"Have they found her then?" Tom asked optimistically. 

Sidney turned towards the large fireplace in the room, he placed on outstretched hand on the mantle. 

"He traced her as far as the West Indies but not beyond that," he replied. 

"Your trip abroad this spring...." Mary murmured, putting some of the puzzle pieces together. 

Sidney nodded, "Yes. I went there myself in hopes of finding her, but to no avail." 

"How awful," Diana said, "To go all that way to try and find her....." 

"What will you do now, Sidney?" Lord Babington asked. He was his closest, truest friend. One of the few people Sidney did not mind being himself around. It crushed him to have to tell his friend that just because of his association with Sidney, Babington was about to be a part of quite the scandal. 

"I don't know....or rather, I didn't know," Sidney turned to face the group again, while pulling a small piece of paper out of his jacket, "That is until I received this." 

He opened the folded piece of paper for what felt like the hundredth time. 

"A month ago, this letter appeared on my doorstep, by means I still have yet to discover," Sidney explained, "It is a letter from Eliza." 

He stared at the elegant handwritten words. Words he had read over and over again, words that both enlivened and shamed him. 

"Well go on, man!" Arthur interrupted the silence, "What does it say!?" 

Sidney frowned at his brother, but no one countered him. They all sat, eagerly waiting to hear the words of his vanished wife. He sighed reluctantly, not truly wishing to share the letter, but understood that Eliza's words were the only ones that had the power to clarify the situation. He cleared his throat, then recited the letter for what he hoped would be the last time. 

_Dearest Sidney,_

_Please know that I am well. I am safe and unharmed. I know you have been searching for me and I only write this to you to set your mind at ease. I have left of my own volition and have no intention of ever returning._

_I thought when I became Mrs. Sidney Parker I would have everything I've ever wanted. Money, love, standing, a London home, a grand life. But it was all a sham, was it not, my dear, Sidney. We could not give each other what we truly desire. I am sorry for that. But I write this to tell you I have found the life I have always wanted. You should feel free to do the same._

_Keep the money, I am being well provided for and do not need it where I am. Consider it a token, an offering for the choice I once made many years ago that put so much of this into motion. It is but a trifle to the company I keep now, and it would do best in your hands than any others there._

_You will fail if you try and find me, so do not waste your life in that pursuit. I am no longer yours to concern yourself with and you have not been mine for a very long time. You must let it go. Seek out the life you wanted. We both deserve as much._

_Sincerely,_

_Eliza_

"Good heaven's" Mary whispered. Sidney refolded the paper, placing it gently back in his jacket pocket. He would need it, come tomorrow. 

"A month ago, you say?" Tom asked, looking a shade or two paler than normal. 

"Indeed," he replied. 

"And did you do as she asked? Did you stop looking for her then?" Babington asked. 

Sidney shook his head, "Not at first. I tried to discover how she got the note to me, and if that could possibly lead to her whereabouts but, I was once again unsuccessful." 

As the others mulled over all of this astonishing information, it was Lady Esther who spoke next. 

"Mr. Parker, why is it you are telling us all this? Why now?"

The others looked back and forth between her and Sidney, their curiosity piqued. 

He swallowed, knowing this would be the hardest part. 

"Because I have decided to petition parliament for a divorce. On grounds of desertion." 

Diana gasped, Tom put his head in his hands, and the others just looked at him, aghast. 

"Sidney you wouldn't!" Diana yelped. 

He shrugged, helplessly, "I feel as though I have no other choice."

"She practically told him to do as much," Babington retorted. 

"You could have come to us for help, Sidney," Mary said, "Not borne this alone, without aid." 

"There was nothing that anyone could do that I had not already done," Sidney replied. Perhaps an exaggeration of the truth. Yes, he had done everything possible to find Eliza, but that was only part of the reason why he had not reached out to his friends or family. The shame of it all was suffocating. He could hardly face them now, nonetheless when he had first discovered his wife missing. 

_His wife_. It still felt fallacious to say it. Even think it. 

"Divorce though," Babington said, his face worried, "That can be no easy task. Parliament grants so few." 

Sidney nodded, "I have enough friends with seats, and with the help of a very extortionate lawyer, and Eliza's letter, I have been assured Parliament will pass it. In fact, that is why I leave for London tomorrow. To see it finalized." 

"Tomorrow!" Diana squeaked, quite undone by the entire conversation. Arthur patted her hand, in an attempt at comfort. 

Sidney nodded, "Yes." 

"What can we do Sidney? What can we do to help?" Mary asked, looking sad and full of pity. He hated that look. Hated that anyone should feel pity for him when all of this had been his own doing in one way or another. He deserved far worse than pity. 

"Forgive me," Sidney replied to her, "As I am sure the papers and rumor mill of society will be having a field day with this when it comes out. I apologize that you may be included in the scandal, as you are my family and dear friends."

"That is...most considerate of you, Sidney," Mary said, "But do not think for a moment that _we_ would abandon you."

"Certainly not," Arthur agreed. 

"Divorce?" Diana muttered to herself, in some apparent confusion or shock of the situation. No one paid any mind.

"You think it will be made public then?" Babington asked. 

"With the rumors already circulating about her absence these past months, I have no doubt most of London will know by the end of the week," he replied honestly. 

Truly, he did not give a fig about the gossip, or the rumors, or the scandal. He only cared about how all of this would affect the lives in this very room. Save perhaps one. 

"What about Georgianna?" Mary asked, "And Mr. Hastings? Do they know?" 

Sidney nodded, " I disclosed some particulars to Mr. Hastings when he asked for Georgianna's hand. I informed them both of these more recent updates just this last week. It is why I encouraged them to take their honeymoon in Antigua, so that they may escape the worst of the gossip. I am sorry I cannot do the same for the rest of you."

"My dear brother," Arthur said, "We are here with you and would not wish to be anywhere else." 

Sidney gave his kind brother a half-smile. 

"No indeed," Mary agreed. 

It was quiet for a moment, everyone looking at Sidney, eyes full of sympathy and support. He was unworthy of such family and friends. 

"You won't let her find out that way, will you?" Esther spoke up, "Through gossip and defamatory newspaper articles?" 

Sidney sucked in a breath, surprised by Lady Babington. 

"I'm sure I do not know who you mean," he grumbled his false reply. 

"Sidney," Lord Babington chided, "We are not entirely incognizant." 

"And we do have eyes," Lady Esther added, narrowing hers at Sidney just a fraction. 

"Oh dear," Mary said, her hand moving from her chest to her mouth, "Oh Charlotte." 

Sidney clenched and unclenched his jaw. He could not speak to them about her, he would not. He doubted they knew very much at all regarding the two of them. How the bloody hell they knew anything at all was beyond him. Perhaps his attention towards her, last summer, and of late, had not been as subtle as he believed them to be. 

"May I have a word with my brother," Tom stood up abruptly, "Alone if you all would be so kind."

Tom had not spoken a word in a good many minutes. When he first told them what had happened to Eliza, Tom had looked pale. Now he looked flush, almost agitated. The others in the group quietly moved to leave, shooting Sidney more sympathetic glances. Mary gave his arm a squeeze before leaving. Lady Babington approached him, adjusting her gloves as she did. 

"Do not allow others to speak for you, Mr. Parker," she told him quietly, "It should come from you. You are the only one she would wish to hear it from."

Esther turned and left before he could reply, before he could ask just how exactly would she propose he do that. What words could he possibly say to convey the message? 

"It seems you have had quite a year, brother," Tom said when everyone had left. He walked to the sideboard and poured himself a drink. 

"Indeed," Sidney agreed. 

"I was...I mean to say..." Tom stuttered. Sidney could see the man's hands shaking. 

"Out with it man," he said. 

Tom turned to face him, "I am so sorry brother. For Eliza, for what you did for me and for Sanditon. Words cannot express how sorry I am, how shameful I feel. I am to blame for all of this and-"

"Tom stop," Sidney interjected. 

His brother looked as despondent as he had ever been. Sidney sighed.

"The choice was mine. You are not responsible for my actions."

"Yes, but-"

"Please, Tom," Sidney said a bit too forcefully, "Please, let us just let the past die. I have not the energy to face it this evening in any case."

Tom looked down but nodded. They were quiet for a moment, drinking their brandy as the fire crackled. 

"It is shocking that she could disappear in such a manner. In your own home, your own rooms at that," Tom murmured, his brows still furrowed in confusion. 

"We..."Sidney cleared his throat, awkwardly moving his weight from right to left, "...We did not share a room, Tom." 

He dare not look at his brother now. He shouldn't have said a word but revealing all that had -and had not- happened, felt almost liberating. 

"I...I see," Tom replied to Sidney's confession. 

Sidney shook his head, wanting to break free from the shackles of all that had been unsaid. 

"I failed her, Tom," he began, "I failed her by marrying her in the first place when....when I knew I did not love her."

Tom leaned against the mantle. 

"And I failed by allowing you to wed her at all. I was selfish not to see what was truly going on. At least most of your intentions were admirable," he said.

"Marrying a woman for money can hardly be considered admirable, Tom," Sidney grunted, taking another sip of his brandy. 

"Saving your brother from ruination at great personal expense certainly does," Tom countered, "And you are far from the first man to choose a bride for their dowry, Sidney."

"Someone said once that without love and affection, marriage could be a kind of slavery," Sidney said quietly, "I am ashamed to have been the one that subjugated both Eliza and I in such a way."

Tom eyed his brother. 

"Miss Heywood said that, did she not?" he asked. 

Sidney nodded. 

"Will you go to her then?" Tom asked. 

"Tom, I don't think...." Sidney started, affronted by the question at first, before closing his eyes, allowing himself to tell the truth, "I cannot imagine she would wish to speak to me. Not after everything."

"The two of you danced just this evening, did you not?"

"Yes, where she very eloquently expressed her wish not to interact with me from this point on," Sidney told him.

"Well, she thinks you are married!"

"I am."

"Until tomorrow."

"Tom-"

"Sidney!" Tom cried out, slamming his fist on the mantle, "Do you not remember, last summer after the cricket match, when I had secluded myself in London, trying to find a way to redeem myself to the town and more importantly to Mary? You said I needed to do whatever it took, _whatever it took_ , to earn her trust back. Are you so proud as to not take your own advice??" 

"Pride has little to do with it, brother."

"Than what is it? What stops you?" Tom asked, "Or perhaps you no longer feel that way about-"

" _That_ is certainly not it, brother," Sidney nearly snapped, "Far from it."

"Than what?"

Sidney stayed silent. He hardly knew what prevented him from approaching Charlotte, from telling her everything that had happened in the year after he let her ride away back to Willingden. Perhaps it was pride, or fear, or shame. He had done wrong by Charlotte so many times, Sidney worried how any step herafter would not do more damage. Tom seemed to sense his unease. He sighed, placing a hand on Sidney's shoulder. 

"Well come tomorrow, you will be free of your bondage, brother. It is up to you to make the best of that freedom," Tom said. 

"Here's to tomorrow then."

* * *

"Charlotte," a little voice beside her called out. Little Henry tugged at her arm, "We got to catch up, Charlotte!"

She looked up to find that the boy was indeed correct. Henry and Charlotte had stopped for a moment to fix a loose shoelace of Henry's and were now several paces behind their group. 

Mr. Adams and Miss Esme had stayed on in Sanditon after the wedding, to enjoy all that the seaside resort had to offer. Today they were joined by herself, Arthur Parker, Mary, and two of the children; Jenny and Henry. It was a merry group as they made their way down the banks of Sanditon river, the warmth of the afternoon sun, a welcome friend. Henry and Charlotte raced to catch up to the others, giggling as they went. 

"Thought we lost you two," Mary gave them both a smile. 

"Miss Heywood!" Esme Hastings called out excitedly, "Mr. Adams has just informed us of an excellent surprise he has planned!"

"Oh?" Charlotte said, "What surprise is that, Mr. Adams?"

"Well I was talking to one of the local chaps, a Mr. Robinson, and if no one objects, I have arranged for us to do a bit of sailing this afternoon."

"Sailing, Miss Heywood!" Esme exclaimed. 

Charlotte could not remember seeing the young woman this animated before. She must truly have an interest in sailing. Or perhaps an interest in the man offering. 

"That sounds lovely," Charlotte replied, "But who is to be our crew?"

"Oh do not fret about that," Mr. Adams said, "My father was an excellent sailor. He taught me well. And Mr. Robinson has offered his services also. The vessel itself is not overly large, so I have no doubt we shall manage just fine, I assure you."

"Sounds wonderful," said Mary. 

They continued their walk along the river, but now with far greater enthusiasm than before. The children were jumping with excitement, the prospect of such an adventure far too much for them to contain. They all reached the dock where Mr. Robinson waited for them with a small sailing boat. Upon seeing the group approach, he smiled and met them at the ramp. 

Mr. Robinson had been a good friend of Mr. James Stringer and recognized Charlotte immediately. 

"Miss Heywood! Very good to see you. So glad to see you make a return to Sanditon."

Charlotte smiled, "Thank you, Mr. Robinson. It is very good to see you indeed. I hope you have been well this past year."

"Oh very well miss, thank you," he replied. 

"And our friend, Mr. Stringer?" Charlotte found herself asking, "How does he fare?"

"Very well indeed, miss. His apprenticeship in London keeps him very busy," Mr. Robinson answered happily. 

"That is most excellent news," she said, "Please send him my best when next you speak to him." 

James Stringer had been her good friend here in Sanditon. She was genuinely happy to hear he had continued on with his dreams. 

"Be happy to, Miss Heywood," he smiled at her before motioning to the boat, "Will you be sailing with us this afternoon then?" 

"I believe so. Though I am not certain this vessel is the appropriate size for all of us," she said, eyeing the small boat. 

"That's quite alright," Arthur spoke up, "My legs much prefer solid ground. I shall be happy to stay here and watch you all from the shoreline."

"The children and I will watch from here as well," Mary said, giving her daughter a wink. 

"Mama, mama I want to go," little Henry whined at Charlotte's side. 

"The young man is welcome to come aboard," Mr. Robinson said, "I have no doubt we shall find him a position on deck."

"Well I suppose it would be alright," Mary reluctantly conceded. She looked her son very seriously in the eye, "Now you be sure to listen to Charlotte, Henry, and don't get in the way of the young men while they work." 

"Yes mama," Henry said on instinct. 

"Oh he'll be fine, Mrs. Parker, have no fear," Mr. Adams said confidently. With Esme on his arm, he began to board the boat. Charlotte and Henry followed just after them. 

"We shan't be gone long, Mrs. Parker," Mr. Robinson assured. 

Charlotte took Henry's hand and led them up onto the boat. They sat together on a small bench on the port side. It was truly just the right size for such an occasion, fitting the five of them well enough not to feel crowded. Henry's eyes whipped from left to right, watching as Mr. Adams and Mr. Robinson maneuvered the boat and set off. It was a windy day, the larger waves spraying water on the passengers as they struck the boat's haul. But Charlotte didn't mind in the least. Instead, she laughed with Henry as the young boy squealed in delight with every splash. 

The gentlemen moved like a well-oiled machine, while Miss Esme sat on the starboard side across from Charlotte and Henry. She looked somewhere between terrified and exhilarated. They shared a few smiles throughout the ride before another wave would come and rock them both out of balance. Charlotte loved it all, the smell of the water, the wind, the waves, the company, everything. 

So when the gentlemen decided it was time to head back, Charlotte could not help but feel a little remorseful. They had slowed as they made their way back down the river, towards the docks. 

Charlotte spotted some familiar faces, walking down the river bank. 

"Look, Henry," Charlotte said, pointing out the pair, "There's your mama and Uncle Arthur."

Henry waved back vigorously, "Mama, Mama!"

Charlotte laughed and joined him in waving back to Mary and Arthur. 

"Uncle Sidney! Papa!" Henry yelled out, pointing further down the river. 

Charlotte turned slightly to see and sure enough there they were, along with Lord Babington. It seemed Sidney had returned from London. The three of them looked as though they were deep in conversation, and did not notice Henry calling to them. 

"PAPA!! UNCLE SIDNEY!!" Henry cried out louder, irritated about being ignored. 

Before Charlotte could stop him, Henry stood on top of the bench and leaped over the edge and down into the water. 

"HENRY!" she cried out, feeling his small hand slip from hers. Charlotte's eyes were fixed on the spot where Henry had plummeted in. When it was clear the boy was not going to resurface, Charlotte took one very deep breath before stepping onto the bench herself and diving headfirst into the water after him. 

She could feel the current instantly trying to take her away the second she entered the water. But Charlotte would never have jumped in if she could not swim. Yes, the murky, turbulent river was quite different than the small lake in Willingden, but the mechanics were the same.

Charlotte forced her eyes to open, trying to fixate on anything that moved in the water. She saw nothing, and dove further down, sending up a prayer to anyone who'd listen that she find Henry. Her lungs were already beginning to protest but Charlotte pushed deeper. 

_There._

She spotted the boy's jacket and reached for it. Her hands latched onto the fabric and she pulled, and by some miracle, the boy was still in the jacket. His flowing blonde hair appeared and if she could have she would have cried at the sight. Charlotte pulled him through the water, to her chest, as she began to kick as hard as she could, to the surface. 

Air filled her lungs as they broke from the water. The small boy in her arms began to cough. He was alive. Thank god. The water was still choppy and Charlotte had to shield the boy from an oncoming wave. She could feel Henry's small arms tighten around her. She squeezed back as best she could, murmuring assurances to him, while still trying to keeping them afloat

"Miss Heywood!" Esme's voice called out to her right. 

Charlotte turned them to see the small sailboat heading towards them. Miss Hastings was crying and waving to them, "Oh, Miss Heywood!" 

Charlotte kicked towards the boat, fighting the current once again. She could feel her legs begin to stiffen, just as they reached the port side of the boat. 

"Are you alright, Miss Heywood!?" she heard, rather than saw Mr. Adams from above her. 

"We're alright!" she managed to reply, "Take Henry!" 

She heaved the boy above the water, her arms shaking from the weight, and her legs fighting to keep them still. Mr. Adams hoisted Henry back onto the boat. She could hear the little boy whimpering, and Esme attempting to comfort him. Mr. Adams reached back down to her. 

"Come, Miss Heywood. Let's get you up."

She reached up to meet his hand. She could feel herself rising up from the water as he pulled her. Before she achieved freedom, she heard a gasp. 

"Miss Heywood!!" Mr. Adams cried out. 

"CHARLOTTE!!!" a bellowing voice called out from the river bank. Sidney's voice. 

It was the last thing she heard before the wave hit and pulled her under. 

* * *

"CHARLOTTE!" Sidney cried out as he watched the rogue wave bury Miss Heywood. She did not resurface and Sidney began to run. He ran down the riverbank, trying to calculate how fast the current was moving, how fast it was pulling her down the river. All the while he was counting. 10, 12, 13, 14. Every second she had been down, every instant she was without air. 

His heart pounded in his chest. 

Sidney could hear the commotion behind him, the yelling and screaming, and sound of footsteps trying to keep up with him. But you cannot outrun a desperate man and Sidney had never been more desparate in his life. 

There was a small clearing at the river's edge close ahead. He knew it well, had played there many times with his brother's children. It was one of the few places where the water was shallow enough to enter safely. Sidney tore off his jacket, uncaring where it landed. 

29,30,31. The numbers ticking off in his mind. Charlotte still had not resurfaced. He made for the opening and ran right into the water, diving into it once it was too deep to run through. 

47,48,49. He kept counting, allowing him to focus on something that was not the memory of Charlotte diving into the river to save poor Henry, Charlotte being clobbered by the wave, Charlotte disappearing into the murky abyss. 

Sidney felt his lungs already begin to spasm and he kicked hard to the surface. He broke from the water just long enough to take another deep breath before diving back down. He would find her. He had to. Living apart from Charlotte had been utter misery. Living in a world where she did not exist would be hell. He would not allow it. 

The numbers in his mind began to jumble together. It had been a few minutes now, and the shadow of the unthinkable crept inside him. 

_Please._ He begged to whatever powers that be. _Please_. 

Despite him already straining for air, Sidney pushed on, deeper into the water. Maybe he would join her in the void. 

Just as he felt the fight in his legs and his heart begin to tire, he saw it. A hand. A beautiful, unmoving, pale hand, floating before him in the cloudy water. Sidney reached out, grabbing her wrist and kicked to the surface with a greater force than he knew he was capable of. He breached first, gasping for air while pulling on the arm that he gripped. 

She was unconscious when she surfaced, the edges of her lips just beginning to turn blue. He wanted to cry out, scream her name until she opened her eyes. But he knew not to waste a moment. 

Sidney held her limp body with one arm as he swam them over to the closest bank. The current had dragged them both much farther down the river than he expected. No one had reached them yet as Sidney made it to the grass. He heaved the two of them onto land and immediately went to her. 

Sidney took Charlotte's cold face in his hands. 

"Charlotte?" he called out to her in vain. She remained motionless. 

"No," he said to no one, "No."

He tilted her head back and brought his lips down to her cold ones. With his heart beginning to break, Sidney exhaled his lungs into hers, forcing her lips apart and feeling her chest rise and fall with his breath. He had to push aside the errant memory of the last time his lips had met hers. He pulled back, looking down at her for any signs of movement. 

Nothing. 

He repeated the process, hating how lifeless she felt beneath him. 

Nothing. 

Sidney placed his forehead to her, his trembling hand cupping her beautiful face. 

"This is not the end for you, Charlotte Heywood," he said to her, "You will not leave me like this. You would not dare be so cruel as that." 

Without another moment's hesitation, Sidney pulled himself up, reared his hand back, and slapped Charlotte across the face. 

Water poured out of her mouth as she coughed and gagged. Sidney instantly moved her to her side, pulling the wet hair from her face. 

"Charlotte," he called to her softly, as if afraid anything too loud would scare her back into unconsciousness. Her eyes fluttered and her chest began to rise and fall on its own, her colour already returning. 

"S-sidney," the semi-conscious Charlotte whispered. 

He closed his eyes at the sound of his name on her lips. Relief like nothing he had ever known flooded through him. She was alive. He took her hand in his, placing a kiss on her palm. 

"I'm here," he whispered to her, "I'm here." 

"SIDNEY!" Tom's voice yelled out as the group finally caught up to them. 

"Is she alive!?" Mary cried out, holding little Henry in her arms. 

"She's alive," he replied, "But we must get her home immediately." 

Sidney placed his arms underneath Charlotte and lifted her up so that she was cradled against his chest. She was still weak and barely awake, so she did not protest. He strained a bit at the weight. Her clothes were soaked, weighed down by the water, and Trafalgar House was not exactly close, but Sidney did not care. She would not be in anyone else's arms save his. Not today. 

"Someone fetch Dr. Fuchs," he said, beginning to walk them in the direction of the house. 

"I'll go, sir," Mr. Robinson replied. Apparently, in the time Sidney had run after Charlotte, they had docked the boat. The poor man looked traumatized. Grief-stricken and pale as his eyes looked over Charlotte's weakened body. 

"Very well," Sidney said. 

Mr. Robinson ran off in the direction of the good doctor's apartments. The rest of them made their way to the house as quickly as they were able. Charlotte's eyes remained closed, but her small, delicate hand periodically gripped at Sidney's shirt, assuring him that she was in fact still alive. 

He had nearly lost her. He had felt the life slipping away from her. It was that close. Too close. 

When they arrived at the house, chaos ensued. The servants ran from room to room, the children cried and the adults ranged from panicked to stupefied.

Sidney ignored it all and marched straight to Charlotte's room. Mary was already there, making the bed ready and setting out extra blankets. Tears streamed down the woman's face and her hands shook as she folded back the bed's cover. 

"Lay her down here, Sidney," she choked out. 

With all the gentleness he could manage, Sidney placed Charlotte down on the bed. Mary stroked the sleeping girl's face. 

"Oh my dear sweet, Charlotte," Mary sobbed. 

Sidney placed a hand on her shoulder. 

"She'll be alright, Mary," he murmured to her. He would not believe anything to the contrary. 

Mary nodded and patted his hand.

"I'm sure you are right," she replied. 

"Is Henry well?" he asked. 

"I checked on him already. He is quite alright," she said, "Thanks to her." 

They both were silent for a moment, admiring Charlotte's heroism. 

Mary wiped the tears off her cheeks, 

"I must get her dry, Sidney," she told him, "You go and see to Tom and the others."

Sidney frowned, hesitant to leave Charlotte. Mary's hand came to hold his. 

"You got her this far, Sidney," she whispered to him, "I have her from here." 

He gave a small nod in understanding. 

"I'll send Dr. Fuch's in as soon as he arrives," he told her before turning to leave. It went against all his instincts, but Sidney knew Charlotte was in good hands. Hands that loved her nearly as much as he did. 

He closed the door behind him and made his way back to the sitting room where everyone had gathered. The room's occupants stood awkwardly or were pacing about the room. There was little they could do and much for them to think about. 

"Where's Henry?" Sidney asked. 

"Ahh, Sidney," Tom looked over and approached him, "The maid has him readying for a bath."

"Good," Sidney replied. 

"How fairs Miss Heywood, Mr. Parker?" Miss Hastings' small voice asked. 

"She'll recover, I think," he said, "Though I should like to wait for the doctor to see her, to be certain."

"Poor girl," Arthur said as he shakingly sipped a hot tea. 

"Foolish girl," Mr. Adams retorted. 

All eyes swung around to face the bastard. 

"Foolish?" Sidney repeated the words.

"W-well yes," Mr. Admas stuttered, sensing the shift of energy in the room, "If she had only waited a moment, we could have turned the boat around to reach the boy."

"I say, sir-" Tom started but Sidney was already rounding on the pompous windbag. 

He stormed across the room, grabbing the lapels of the man's coat and shoved him against the wall. 

"You should never have taken them out in the first place," Sidney growled at him, "On a day like today, the waves were far too great. _You_ put them in danger with your arrogance, yet you stand here, in my brother's house, and have the audacity to call the woman who saved his son's life _foolish_!?"

"I-I..." Mr. Adams stammered. 

Sidney slammed him against the wall once more. He ignored the gasp from Miss Hastings. 

"You should be grateful it was not you who went overboard, you self-important, brainless-"

"Sidney!" Mary yelled from the doorway, "This helps no one, least of all, Charlotte. There is no sense in arguing now. My son and Miss Heywood need to rest. I shall ask that Mr. Adams please escort Miss Esme back to the hotel. Please excuse us at this time, Miss Hastings, but I believe we could all do with a bit of respite after today's events." 

Anger stilled coiled within Sidney but he reluctantly released the windbag. 

Mr. Adams brushed off his now wrinkled jacket. 

"Yes, Mrs. Parker, I believe you are correct. Come, Miss Hastings," he extended his arm to her, which the poor girl reluctantly took, "Mr. Parker, Mrs. Parker, I wish you good day." 

And with that, he left. Leaving Sidney with the lingering urge to hit something. Tom's hand grasped Sidney's shoulder. 

"Come, brother, have a seat. You must be exhausted."

"I'm fine, Tom," he replied. 

"You should get out of those wet clothes, Sidney," Mary said, "Why don't you go upstairs and I'll have the servants draw up a bath for you as well. I daresay you've earned it."

Sidney had not even registered his own soggy appearance, as he looked down at his dripping garments. Mary was right. 

"Thank you, Mary. I believe I shall take you up on that," he told her with a weak smile. 

Mary walked him out of the room, to the base of the stairs. He took the first step before turning to her. 

"You'll tell me at once, won't you?" he said, "If anything changes. What the doctor thinks."

Mary's eyes filled with sympathy. Or pity. Sidney was too exhausted to care. 

"Of course," she answered him softly. 

Sidney gave her a small nod and turned back towards the stairs. He stripped down when he got to his rooms, but did not make it to the tub. Fatigue won out and Sidney, just the once, let it. 

* * *

Charlotte was slow to wake, later that afternoon. The sunlight pouring into her room was the first thing she noticed when her eyes began to gradually open. Her head throbbed, and every muscle ached. She nearly wished she was unconscious again. 

"Charlotte?" Mary whispered. 

Charlotte forced her eyes to open completely, finding Mary sitting in a chair by her bed. The older woman looked nearly as raggedy as Charlotte felt. 

"Mary," Charlotte's hoarse voice replied. She coughed, sending pain throughout her body. 

Mary grabbed a glass of water from the bedside table. She helped bring the cup to Charlotte's lips. She sipped at the cool water cautiously. Mary placed the glass back down when Charlotte had finished. 

"Oh, Charlotte," Mary murmured, taking her hand from the bed and holding it tightly in her own. 

"What happened?" Charlotte asked, realizing that the last thing she remembered was the large wave coming at her. How on earth did she make it back here? 

"The wave took you under," Mary said softly, "You did not come back up and we... oh Charlotte." 

The woman looked down, trying to gather herself from the onslaught of emotion. 

"It's alright, Mary," Charlotte tried to reassure her friend, "I'm alright." 

Mary nodded, collecting herself. 

"How is Henry? Is he hurt?" Charlotte asked. 

"He is very well," Mary replied, "Because of you." 

Mary stood up and came to sit beside Charlotte on the bed. 

"My dear Charlotte. I don't know how to thank you. You saved my son. You put your own life at risk for my family and...... there is nothing I can say that will ever express how grateful I am to you, Charlotte. We are in your debt." 

Tears spilled out from Mary's eyes. Charlotte slowly sat up, trying to ignore the pain when she moved. She could have argued with Mary, told her there was no debt and that Charlotte did not need any thanks, but instead, she put her arms around her and held her tight. Mary reciprocated, her one hand stroking Charlotte's hair gently. The two friends stayed quiet and embracing for several moments. The emotions that words could not convey, passing between them. 

Eventually, Mary pulled back, brushing the hair from Charlotte's face. 

"Dr. Fuchs says you'll make a full recovery," she told her, "But for now you must rest as much as possible." 

Mary gave Charlotte a peck on the cheek before rising from the bed. 

"I'll bring some soup in for you later, after you've rested," she said. 

Charlotte nodded, watching Mary make for the door. Suddenly she was struck with a thought. 

"Wait," she called out. Mary instantly turned back to her, "How did I get here? How did I make it out of the river?" 

Mary smiled. 

"Sidney," she told her gently, "Sidney pulled you from the river." 

Charlotte blinked, too shocked by the answer to reply. Mary seemed to understand this and continued her way out of the room. 

"I shall check on you soon, my dear," she said just as she closed the door behind her. 

_Sidney pulled you from the river._

Charlotte's mind was not comprehending what she had heard. He had saved her? How could that be? What would possess him to do such a thing? 

She allowed herself to sink lower into the bed, her physical exhaustion mingling with the emotional weight of what she had just learnt. 

Charlotte had no idea what to think or how to feel. It was too great a thing he had done. How could she ever face him again? What on earth could she say to the man? She nearly wished he had not done it. It was too much for her to bear, too many feelings, and so many of them conflicting. Her weariness eventually engulfed her before she could make any sense of the thoughts in her head. She fell back asleep, praying she would find clarity when she woke. 

* * *

When Charlotte did wake next, it was dark. The candle that was by her bedside had gone out, and only moonlight, shining through her window, illuminated the room. She felt a warm body beside her and turned to find little Henry, snuggled deep in the sheets next to her. She smiled at the boy. His soft little breaths soothed her soul. Thank god he was alright. She kissed the soft skin of his forehead before slowly leaving the bed. Her throat was parched and the glass on the table was empty. She was careful to stand, letting her body adjust to being upright. The pounding in her head had diminished substantially since she first awoke, and though her limbs were stiff and sore, they did not feel as weak. 

Charlotte wrapped one of the extra blankets around herself and her nightshift. She took the glass and quietly made her way out of the room. It was dark, but Charlotte knew her way around the house well enough, and the moonlight trickled in throughout the rooms and hallways. Charlotte turned the last corner on her way to the kitchens and walked right into a wall. No, not a wall. A person. 

"Ch-Miss Heywood," Mr. Sidney Parker said quietly. 

"Mr. Parker! I did not see you there," Charlotte blurted out. He was still dressed in day clothes, though he did not wear a jacket or vest. 

"You should not be out of bed, Miss Heywood," he said. 

It was too dark to see his face, but she could feel him frowning at her. 

"I can manage to get a glass of water, Mr. Parker," she replied. 

Sidney sighed, taking the glass from her hand before she could protest. He turned down the hallway, and into the kitchens. Charlotte followed, though not as quickly as to keep up with him. 

He met her at the doorway of the kitchens, handing her a full glass of water. 

"Now will you return to bed, Miss Heywood?" he asked, as if annoyed. 

Charlotte took the glass from him but did not move to leave. She fiddled with the glass for a moment, gathering her courage before looking up at Sidney. 

"I believe I am to thank you, Mr. Parker," she said shyly. 

"That will not be necessary," he replied. 

"Well, that is most convenient as I have no idea how to thank someone for saving my life."

She could feel rather than see the small smile Sidney gave her in return. His voice was soft and gentle when he replied, 

"Perhaps one day you may return the favor."

The darkness and lateness of hour made Charlotte feel as though she was dreaming, caught in a trance somewhere between fantasy and reality. 

"It is good to see you well, Miss Heywood," Sidney said, "You gave us all quite a scare." 

Sidney raised one of his hands, making to touch her, before stopping himself, his hand dropping back down to his side. 

"You should return to bed now, Miss Heywood. Now that you have your water." 

After months of wishing he would not call her by her Christian name, Charlotte suddenly hated the way _Miss Heywood_ sounded. 

"May I ask what you are doing up at this hour, Mr. Parker?" she asked, remembering that he must have also gone through much to bring them both out of the water, "Are you well?"

Sidney nodded. 

"Quite well, thank you, Miss Heywood," he replied, "Sleep just seems to evade me this evening, that is all." 

His tone bothered her. The distance he was putting between them bothered her. It shouldn't have, it was what she wanted, what she asked for, yet it made her interactions with him feel hallow. 

"I understand," she replied, unsure of what else to say. Even Sidney seemed to sense the awkwardness. 

"Shall I walk you to your room, Miss Heywood?" his voice uncertain. 

"No that is not...I mean I can...I do not wish...." Charlotte stuttered. She forced herself to stop and take a breath, "Yes. I would like that very much. If it's not too much trouble." 

"No trouble," Sidney replied, gesturing for her to walk ahead. 

She did and the two walked slowly and quietly down the dark hallway to her room. Neither said a word until they reached her door, pausing there. Charlotte turned to him. 

"Thank you again, Mr. Parker," she said, trying to sound as genuine as she could, "For everything." 

"I told you, that is not necessary," he said. 

"I owe you my life," Charlotte pressed, wishing to convey her gratitude, despite his nonchalance, "Of course it is necessary." 

"Did you think I would let you drown?" he replied, his voice harder than it was moments ago. 

"No!" she said, "No, I.......I only mean to say that there is a substantial difference between not wishing someone would drown, and diving into the water after them. It was a very brave decision."

Sidney took a step towards her. 

"It was the easiest decision I have ever made in my life."

Charlotte swallowed. The strength she felt when she left her bed minutes prior vanished as her knees began to weaken and her heart began to pound in her ears. 

Sidney took another devastating step closer to her. 

"Miss Heywood, there is something that I-"

"Charlotte?" a little voice came from her doorway. They both looked down to find Henry, peeking at them through a crack in the doorway. 

"Oh, Henry," Charlotte cooed, kneeling down to the boy, "Did we wake you? I am so sorry."

Sidney looked a bit surprised to find the young boy in her room, but he gave the two of them a crooked smile. 

"You make sure Miss Heywood gets her rest now, Henry," Sidney whispered to the boy, giving him a wink. 

Henry grabbed Charlotte's hand, pulling her back into the room. 

"Yessir," the boy drowsily replied. Charlotte looked back at Sidney sheepishly. 

"Good night, Mr. Parker." 

"Good night, Miss Heywood," he whispered back. 

Her bedroom door closed and Henry brought them both back to bed, even pulling up Charlotte's blanket once she settled in. Henry fell back asleep almost immediately. It took a good hour and a great deal of tossing and turning before sleep finally called to Charlotte. She dreamed of clifftops and beaches. 

* * *

The next day, Charlotte felt much more herself. The stiffness in her body had eased substantially and her headache was non-existent. The gentlemen had gone out on business, leaving Charlotte, Mary, and the children to enjoy a quiet day at home. 

Henry rarely left Charlotte's side. The young man seemed so protective of his savior, he refused to let her out of his sight. It made Charlotte's heart ache, but she hoped his worry would ease soon so that he could return to the joy of being a child. He had been pried away for an hour to eat in the kitchens with the other children, while Mary and Charlotte enjoyed their afternoon tea. They both quietly read over their post that had recently arrived. Charlotte had received one letter from one of her sisters, and another from Lady Susan. 

The letter from her sister made her smile. Life in Willingden seemed far more interesting when you were not there, and only had the writings of a younger sibling to live through. It contained the usual reports on her mother and father, the farm, and the general frustrations of a 17-year-old girl. Charlotte made mental notes of how she wished to reply before setting her sister's letter down and reaching for Lady Susan's. 

She broke the wax seal and unfolded the letter. When she did so, what appeared to be a newspaper clipping fell out and landed on Charlotte's lap. She left it there for a moment, her eyes going to the single sentence written in Lady Susan's delicate hand. 

_I believe I told you once that when it comes to love, there is never such a thing as a foregone conclusion._

Charlotte read the confusing message again, completely lost to their meaning. She put the note down and reached for the newspaper clipping in her lap. Charlotte stood up abruptly, as she read the bold black words printed across the page.

**_BELOVED SOCIETY LADY DESERTS SECOND HUSBAND. DIVORCE GRANTED BY PARLIAMENT._ **

Charlotte's head began to spin as she read the names in the article. 

_Mr. Sidney Parker divorces Mrs. Eliza Parker, formally Mrs. Eliza Campion in a shockingly unanimous vote of parliament earlier this week. The couple in question married only last year. Reports of Mrs. Parker's disappearance began months ago and it has now been discovered by this newspaper that Mrs. Parker abandoned her second husband and left the country as far back as December of last year. After many attempts to locate his wife, Mr. Parker petitioned parliament for a divorce on grounds of desertion. Mr. Parker was unavailable for comment._

Later, Charlotte would blame it on her body's exhaustion, on still being weak after the day before. But truly, it was the words on the page and their bewildering meaning that caused Charlotte's vision to blur and the world around her to go dark. 

Charlotte had fainted. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> The truth will out indeed. Our beloved heroine has a lot to process, does she not? 
> 
> How did everyone like seeing the story from Sidney's perspective for a change? It was fun to write from our brooding leading man's point of view. I hope you guys enjoyed that. 
> 
> Historical side notes: Yes, divorce was sort of legal in the 1800s and Sidney being the man, and being deserted by his wife would give him a good chance for the divorce to be granted. I may have taken some liberty in the amount of time it takes for the process to be final, but can you really blame me?? lol. I went for plausible, if not 100% possible lol. 
> 
> A shout out to one of my readers who basically guessed what Eliza was going to do! I had this thought out from the beginning, as I felt it would be the most in-character choice for her. 
> 
> Hope you guys liked reading chapter four. Get ready for the (actual) last chapter, coming soon.


	5. Chapter 5

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Amor vincit omnia.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you so much to everyone who has gone on this journey with me. Thank you for reading, thank you for your support, and thank you for loving these characters as much as I do. I hope I have done them justice. Enjoy the final chapter my loves.

"Blast that woman," Sidney said as he crumpled the newspaper article in his hand.

"I'm sorry, Sidney," Mary said, "I did not know what was in the letter until...well until.."

"Until Miss Heywood fainted?" Tom offered. 

Sidney cursed under his breath. Why the bloody hell couldn't Lady Susan mind her own damn business. Why did she have to send that awful article to Charlotte? And why hadn't Sidney taken the opportunity yesterday to tell her himself? 

"Was she alright?" he asked. The woman had rescued his nephew from drowning, didn't bat an eyelash at blood and gore, could shoot better than most gentlemen he knew, but _this_ is what gave her a fainting episode??? There was nothing else to say. He was doomed. 

"She was fine before she left. Discomposed to be sure, but fine. And I suppose given the circumstances that is understandable," Mary said. 

"Why did you not tell her, Sidney?" Tom asked. 

"She barely just recovered from the incident at the river, Tom. I hardly thought it was an appropriate time," Sidney barked. There was truth in his answer, to be sure but it did not account for the fear and hesitation he felt about approaching her. He knew that with his explanation, came a question he desperately wanted to ask her, but dreaded to hear the answer. 

"What's done, is done," Mary said sternly, "I only worry about Charlotte now, after everything the poor girl has been through."

"Where did she go?" Sidney asked. 

"She said she needed some air and that she was going for a walk. I am sorry, Sidney. I did try my best to keep her from leaving, but she would not be deterred. She was quite distressed I think," Mary told him, wringing her hands anxiously. 

"Do not apologize, Mary. You did nothing wrong," Sidney told her in as much of a reassuring tone as he could manage. 

"What will you do, Sidney?" Tom asked. 

Sidney sighed, "Find her. Explain what I can. Or try to at any rate." 

"Is that _all_ you intend to speak with her about?" Mary asked shyly. It was obvious what his sister-in-law was getting at. 

"One catastrophe at a time, I think, Mary," he told her, "I can only take so many steps in the dark."

"Good luck brother," Tom said, giving Sidney a supportive nod. 

Without another word Sidney turned and left. He hardly knew what he was going to say to Charlotte when he found her but at least he had an idea of where she might be.

* * *

Charlotte stood at the water's edge, letting the sea's tide crash upon her bare ankles. The melodic hum of the waves and seagulls above her, trying to bring her soul some calmness. But to no avail. 

She could not be calmed. Sidney was no longer married. The greatest obstacle between them had vanished and yet all Charlotte wanted to do was crawl under a rock and hide. It had been a year of forcing herself to detach from a man whom she loved and now suddenly, he was....attachable. Charlotte was exhausted to her very bones. Everything that had happened, her saving Henry, Sidney saving her, the letter from Lady Susan, it all caught up with her. Charlotte was too vulnerable now, too exposed. She felt terribly alone. Which was silly, she knew, but still, one cannot always make sense of feelings. Suddenly she missed home. The simplicity and peace she had there with her family, so contrasting to the turbulence she experienced her. 

Charlotte closed her eyes, letting the sound of the sea surround her as she allowed herself to feel. Feel all the emotions she had been keeping at bay. A tiny tear fell down her cheek and into the water below. An offering. Perhaps the sea would guide her on what path she needed to take next. 

"Careful, Miss Heywood," Sidney's voice came from behind her, "I should hate to have to pull you from the water a second time."

He was both the first and last person Charlotte wished to see at this moment. But she inhaled deeply and looked over at him nonetheless. 

He stood just outside of the tide's reach, where her shoes and stockings lay. He had an unreadable expression on his face. Sidney gestured to the water. 

"Are you not afraid?"

"Should I be?" she asked quietly. 

"The sea has been unforgiving to you as of late. No one would blame you if you were."

Sidney looked....uncertain. It was the only word she could think of to describe his demeanor. 

"It is in its nature, to be harsh at times," Charlotte replied, "I can hardly blame it for that."

"Just as resilience seems to be in your nature, Miss Heywood.....and perhaps forgiveness."

And then it felt as though they were no longer talking about water. 

"You speak too well of me," Charlotte looked down. 

"I only speak the truth," he said. 

Charlotte sighed. 

"Can I help you with something, Mr. Parker?" she turned to face him, "Did you come here with some purpose?"

Sidney frowned, just slightly. His eyes dropped down to his shoes. He cleared his throat before stepping towards her. 

"I uhh....I have been told, you have been made aware of certain....news," he said. 

"Yes, I have," she said.

"I am sorry I was not the one to tell you. That is not how I wished for you to find out."

Charlotte tilted her head at his phrasing. 

"For _me_ to find out? Was I the only one not aware?"

Sidney looked down again, his shoes now dipping into the sea. 

"I informed my family and Babington earlier this week. Georgianna and Elijah were already aware."

Charlotte's heart sank. She felt foolish, that everyone should know, including her dearest friend, and her be so blissfully unawares. 

"I see....Well, I am very sorry for you, Mr. Parker. I cannot imagine what you must be going through," she said as earnestly as she could. 

"Please," Sidney said, taking another step closer, "Do not waste your sympathy on me. I do not deserve it."

Charlotte frowned. 

"Why not?"

"Because I am just as guilty as Eliza is. I may have stayed in the country, but I abandoned the marriage just as much as she," he replied. 

He looked at her then, his serious eyes catching hers. 

"You told me that I had to try and make Eliza happy," he said, "And I did try. But you neglected to consider _my_ happiness."

Charlotte's brows knit together, taken aback by the comment. 

"I did not think you would have difficulty attaining it," she replied. 

Sidney was less than an arms-length away from her now. His voice was soft and ruinous.

"Then you were very wrong indeed, Miss Heywood. For I could never be happy.....without you." 

"Stop," Charlotte said, panic striking at her heart. Sidney frowned but continued. 

"Charlotte, there are things I wish to say to you, things I _need_ to say," he said.

"Don't," she took a step away from him, her breathing becoming heavier, faster. 

"Don't?" he repeated. 

Charlotte shook her head. 

"I...I do not think I wish to hear what you have to say, Mr. Parker."

"And why not?" Sidney's voice sounded confused and agitated.

"Is it not obvious? Must there be an explanation?"

His serious eyes turned dark. 

"Yes, in this instance, I believe there must, Miss Heywood," he replied. 

"I.......I.....," Charlotte's heart pounded in her chest. She wanted to run, to flee from the magnitude of this conversation. And she hated herself for it. She turned towards the sea, watching the waves on the horizon. Charlotte took a small step, further into the water. She let the truth pour out of her. 

"I nearly died, two days ago, in the river. But I have been drowning for an entire year. I have had to learn to live with disappointment, trying everything I can, not to feel broken. I have endured the pain of knowing you were married to another woman. A woman who offered you so much more than I ever could. I have never harbored any ill will towards you, or the choice you made last summer, Sidney. Even if that choice made me feel inadequate and abandoned. But that does not mean I do not bear the scars from it," Charlotte's voice cracked, the real pain of the past year finally coming to the surface, "Trying _not_ to love you has taken all the strength I possess. Now that you are a free man, you wish to say things to me. Things that I know, will throw me back into the abyss when I have only just come up for air."

She let the tears fall down her face, not caring to wipe them away. 

Sidney wrapped his hand gently around her wrist, turning her to face him. 

"You are not the only one to have suffered this past year," he said, his voice rough with emotion. 

"I know!" Charlotte cried out, "Truly, Sidney I do understand that! But you have had months to accept the end of your marriage. I have barely had an hour. I hardly know what to think, nonetheless feel."

Sidney swallowed, his jaw tight. 

"I am not asking for a fresh start, Charlotte. I know that would be impossible. All I ask for is a chance......just a chance."

 _Oh god._ The pain in his eyes nearly destroyed her. Charlotte wanted so badly to say yes, to ignore every feeling in her gut and to wrap her arms around the man before her and pledge her love for him. But fear and self-preservation ate away at her ability to do so. 

She lightly placed her hand on his arm, hoping she could make him understand. 

"And all _I_ am asking for is time. Please, Sidney."

"You don't trust me," he said, realizing her hesitation. 

"I-I want to," Charlotte stuttered, "That must be enough for now."

"Is there nothing I can say to convince you?"

"I am sure there is," Charlotte gave a pathetic chuckle, as if laughing at herself, "But I have no idea what it would be."

Sidney took a step back, then another, his eyes fixed on the tide coming in, rather than her. 

"If that is what you wish," he said quietly. 

Charlotte could not respond, her heart so terribly conflicted. But it didn't matter, Mr. Parker had heard enough. He turned away, back towards the town, and left her without another word. 

She took her time, letting her feet dry before putting her stockings and shoes back on. She moved sluggishly, the energy drained from her. She could not tell whether or not she had made the right decision, whether or not she had said the right things. The balance she had to strike between wanting Sidney and protecting herself from possible harm tore her apart. She did indeed feel broken. 

Charlotte slowly made her way back to Trafalgar House, unsure of how she would be met there. 

"Miss Heywood!" a woman's voice called out. 

Charlotte looked up from her daze to see a carriage coming up alongside her. Lady Esther Babington waved at her through the carriage window. The carriage stopped just in front of her. 

"Miss Heywood, are you heading back to Trafalgar House?" Lady Esther asked, "Allow me to escort you."

Charlotte shook her head, trying to be as polite as possible. 

"That is not necessary, I assure you, Lady Babington."

"Please, Charlotte," Esther said, her tone more serious and less casual than it was a moment ago. It was the 'Charlotte' that made her stop from continuing her walk and the 'please' that made her reach for the opened carriage door and climb in. Charlotte very much doubted it was a word Lady Babington used often. If ever.

"Trafalgar House!" Esther called out to her driver, once Charlotte found her seat across from the lady. 

Esther eyed Charlotte up and down, a querying look on her face. 

"How are you, Miss Heywood?" she asked kindly. Too kindly. Dammit. 

Charlotte rolled her eyes. 

"Good heavens, you know, don't you," Charlotte said. She was annoyed and tired with everyone knowing something she did not. 

Lady Babington only smiled a wickedly intelligent smile in response. Of course, she would know. 

"I told him he needed to be the one to tell you. It is a shame he did not take my advice," Esther said. 

Charlotte shrugged, 

"I very much doubt it would make a difference how I was told or by whom."

"Has he offered for you then?" Lady Esther asked daringly. 

Charlotte was shocked for a moment by Esther's blunt question but was too tired to thwart it. She sighed before replying.

"I believe he has made it clear he intends to."

"And you rejected him?" 

"No! Well.... that is I.... not exactly," Charlotte stumbled over her thoughts and the conversation on the beach, "I told him I needed time to think."

"Wise of you," Esther said. 

Charlotte looked at her with a pained expression. 

"Was it? Because I now feel more confused than ever."

"Why is that?" Esther asked. 

"I wish I knew," Charlotte answered honestly. Lady Babington tilted her head quizzically. 

"If Mr. Parker had asked you to marry him last summer, would you have accepted then?"

Charlotte closed her eyes, swallowing the pain that came with the truth. 

"Yes," she whispered. 

Esther shrugged,

"He is now no longer married, no longer tied to anything that would hinder any connection between the two of you, and he clearly still cares for you. I fail to see the problem."

"The _problem_ is that Mr. Parker may have been granted his freedom, but I somehow feel as though I am losing mine! I feel suffocated by this pressure, this expectation that I should accept him without another thought, despite......despite..."

"Despite the fact that he abandoned you for another woman and is only coming to you now because that woman abandoned him?" Esther offered. 

And dammit if the dauntless woman wasn't right. 

"Y-yes," Charlotte replied.

The elegant lady before her absently played with one of the jeweled rings on her finger as she watched Charlotte.

"Everyone wants an effortless and uncomplicated resolution. They believe a woman should take what is offered, no matter the distress it may bring, and say thank you. But life is rarely ever that simple. And you and I are not in the habit of doing what a woman _should_ do. Are we Miss Heywood?"

Charlotte could not help the slight curve in her lips, 

"No. We are not."

Esther nodded in agreement. The woman radiated strength, and not just from a place of privilege and power, but from experience, from knowing first hand the trials of life. 

"Do not let Mr. Parker or anyone else sway you from what you believe is the best course of action, Charlotte. That is for you alone to decide. You have that right, and do not let others take it from you. Trust yourself."

"That's just it," Charlotte said wearily, "I do not know what that course of action should be."

"Do you love Sidney?" Esther asked, looking Charlotte in the eye. 

"So much so, it terrifies me," Charlotte replied shakingly. 

Lady Esther reached out and took Charlotte's hand.

"Then the answer shall come to you, in time. I promise."

The carriage came to a stop, just outside of the Parker's home. Charlotte looked out the window, eyeing her destination before turning back to Lady Babington. 

"You once told me that Sidney was untrustworthy. That he was unreliable."

Lady Babington gave Charlotte a crooked smile. 

"Yes I did," she said, "But he is no longer that man, is he? Not since you."

Esther gave her hand a squeeze before releasing it. She motioned to the carriage door and Trafalgar House beyond that. 

Charlotte nodded, reaching for the door handle before turning back to Lady Babington.

"Thank you, Esther."

"If ever you need an ally, Miss Heywood, you know where to find me."

"If ever you need a _friend_ , Lady Babington, you know where to find me," Charlotte replied. 

Esther smiled, a genuine, too big to be considered lady-like, smile. Charlotte exited the carriage, hoping that one day she could put into words just how grateful she was for that conversation and Esther's support. It had empowered Charlotte with the will to choose a path, to follow her instinct, despite how others would interpret them. Because as she had stepped out of the carriage, Charlotte realized that she had already made one choice. 

She inhaled and exhaled deeply as she made her way up the steps of the house, the sound of the carriage behind her moving on. When she entered the house it was quiet. No children running or playing, or the sounds of conversations echoing against the walls. Just quiet. 

Charlotte made her way to her room, finding no one on her way up. When she opened her door, however, Mary sat in a chair beside her bed, quietly reading a book. When Charlotte opened the door, Mary's eyes jumped to her. 

"Charlotte!" she said, setting the book down and rising to her feet, "I was beginning to worry."

"I think there's been enough of that," Charlotte gave a half-smile. 

"Are you alright? Did you talk to Sidney? He was looking for you," Mary said. 

"Yes, I am alright. And yes, I did speak with Mr. Parker," Charlotte replied. 

Mary took a hesitant step towards her, "And?"

"And .....and I believe, Mary, that there is something I need to do," Charlotte said. 

"Oh? What is that?"

Charlotte sighed. 

"I believe I need to go home."

* * *

Charlotte rocked against the carriage as it traveled down the dirt road. It was a long ride back to Willingden, and it had been a good few hours since she had been able to smell the sea. 

It broke her heart to leave Sanditon, to persuade Mary that this was the right choice for her. When one feels adrift, they search for an anchor. That was what Willingden was for Charlotte. A place where she could regain her footing, feel rooted again. Then maybe perhaps she would have the strength and confidence to make a decision about her future. 

Mary had tears in her eyes as she watched Charlotte pack and kissed her goodbye before the gentlemen returned. Charlotte could not allow them, or specifically, Sidney, to influence her choice. Whether they intended as much, or not. 

Perhaps he would think her a coward for leaving. And maybe she was, but Charlotte had felt trapped, boxed in by her love of Sidney, and her fear of being hurt. She could not choose one without the cloud of the other hanging over her. 

Her head throbbed and her heart ached. Charlotte could not remember a time she had ever been this tired, this utterly exhausted. When the carriage finally stopped at the gates of her family's estate, Charlotte gave a sigh of relief. _Home_. 

She had two small suitcases with her that she carried to the front of the house, the coach having already left. Willingden looked ever the same. Birds and dragonflies flew to and from the front garden, children's toys scattered about, the tire swing by the large oak tree swayed with the wind. _Home._ But she had yet to see a soul. Not one of her eleven siblings rushed from the front door to welcome and embrace her. 

Charlotte ungracefully opened the front door, while still holding onto her suitcases. 

"Hello?" she called out, the smell of lavender and thyme enveloping her as she walked through the entrance, "Mama? Papa?" 

She was met only with silence. Charlotte frowned, placing her suitcases down. She walked down the hallway, towards the sitting room and kitchens. 

"Hello? Allison? Mama?" she called out again, this time she heard muffled voices coming from her father's study. Charlotte untied her bonnet, pulling it gently off her travel-worn hair, "Papa?" 

She pushed open the door to the study, stopping dead in the doorway. Her bonnet fell to the floor. 

"Ahh, Charlotte," her father said, upon seeing her, "We were wondering when you'd arrive."

To her father's left, sitting in a nearly too small armchair, was Sidney Parker. He gave Charlotte a weak smile. Glasses that were half full of brandy sat on the side table, Sidney's jacket lay over another chair in the room, giving the impression he had been in her family's home not a short while. Sidney gave her father, _her father_ , a nod, and the two murmured something to each other before Mr. Heywood rose from his seat. 

"I best see what your mother is up to," her father said. A poor excuse indeed. He came up to Charlotte, who had yet to move from the doorway, and gave her a kiss on the cheek. 

"Welcome home, my dear," he said to her, giving her a genuine, loving smile before turning back to Sidney, "Take care, Mr. Parker."

"Thank you, Mr. Heywood," Sidney replied as he rose to stand. 

Charlotte was pushed ever so slightly further into the room, the door behind her closing. She blinked, wordlessly at the man before her. 

There was quiet in the room. Not even the flicker of a fire, or the echo of children playing could be heard. Just silence. 

When Sidney finally spoke, his voice was uncharacteristically and unmistakenly, nervous.

"Forgive me, Miss Heywood, for intruding," he said, his hands dancing anxiously at his sides, "I know this must be surprising, to find me here."

Charlotte said nothing. 

"I-I hope my presence does not cause you any distress. You may turn me out at any time if you wish," he said, watching her for any encouragement, or apprehension. 

Charlotte remained silent and unmoving. 

Sidney looked down for a moment, biting his lip. Clearly he had not intended to have this discussion with a statue. He looked back up at her, his eyes full of warmth and sincerity. He stepped closer to her. 

"Please, allow me to set your mind at ease. The last time we spoke, you asked me for time. I am not here to impose on that request and have every intention of giving you as much time as you require. That is not why I am here."

With Charlotte motionless, and uncommunicative, Sidney began to walk the width of the small room. 

"I am here because I heard you when you said you wanted to trust me but could not yet do so, and when you said you bore the scars of what I have put you through this past year. I understand now why it is you require time, why I must try and earn your trust back if I ever hope to be worthy of you. I am grateful for that enlightenment, truly. But I believe it only fair that I, also be given a chance to be heard. You said you do not trust me. Please hear me when I say I will do whatever it takes to earn that trust back. You said my actions made you feel abandoned. Please hear me when I tell you that I would rather die than ever abandon you again, and-" he stopped his pacing, turning to face her then, "-And you said it took all the strength you had, _not_ to love me. Please, hear me Charlotte when I tell you that loving you, has given me more strength than I could ever imagine possible. I am here because I let you leave Sanditon once, without telling you something, and it has haunted me every day thereafter. I could not allow you to leave again without.....without telling you, I love you Charlotte. With my whole, wretched self, I love you. If anything else, I am grateful for the freedom and courage to tell you that. And I'm sorry if those words bring you more grief than happiness, and I'm sorry if my-"

"Marry me."

Sidney froze. His arm still raised, as if about to emphasize a point. 

"What...what did you just say?" he asked, entirely stupefied. 

"Marry me?" Charlotte offered again. Esther was right. The lady said that a time would come when Charlotte would know what to do. And that moment had hit her the second she saw Sidney in her home. 

Sidney blinked at her, still frozen in place. 

"My god," he said, "How am I ever going to deserve you?"

"You could start by saying yes," Charlotte replied with a sheepish grin. 

Sidney moved so fast it made Charlotte gasp when he took her in his arms. He kissed her deeply, lushly, with so much love and care it made Charlotte's heart want to burst. He cradled her cheek with one hand and wrapped the other around her body, pulling her so close she could feel his heart against her own. Charlotte stood on the tips of her toes as she kissed him back with equal fervor. A tear, or maybe two, dampened her cheek. She did not want a fresh start with this man, she wanted the here and now, the pain and the passion, the past, and the present. She wanted everything. 

Sidney pulled away from her first, his breathing fast and labored. He let his forehead rest against hers, looking her in the eye. 

"Charlotte Heywood, marrying you would be the greatest honor, and the greatest joy I could ever dream of. I love you, you maddening, extraordinary woman."

She kissed him again, letting her lips linger on his, imagining doing just that, every day, for the rest of their lives. 

* * *

_My darling Georgianna,_

_I hope this letter finds you well, and that you and Mr. Hastings are enjoying your time in Antigua. Though, at the moment, I selfishly wish you were here, so that I may tell you this next news to you in person._

_Mr. Sidney Parker and I are engaged to be married._

_I do not know if this will come as a surprise to you or not. I am aware that Sidney informed you of Eliza's desertion and their subsequent divorce. I also now know that Sidney held you to that secret, as it was not official nor legal at the time and he did not wish me to know until then. I am sorry my dear friend. That must have been very hard indeed to keep to yourself. I hope you can now be eased of that burden._

_The engagement shall be longer than I personally wish, however, Sidney insists we wait at least a six month, until most of the gossip of the divorce has died down. Though I truly wonder if either of our patience will last that long. I am not holding my breath. Of course, I am not getting married without you, my dearest friend. And so I eagerly await your return, for many joyous reasons. Send your questions- as I am sure you have many- in your next letter. But in the interim:_

_Yes, I love him. And yes, he loves me. And yes, you may knock his head in with a cricket bat if he ever deserves it._

_My decision to marry your former guardian was both the easiest and most difficult of my life. So much has happened between us, so many things to lose our faith in love. But it seems love has prevailed._

_Your dearest friend,_

_Charlotte soon-to-be- Parker_

_**THE END** _

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Parting is such sweet sorrow, but perhaps one day we will meet again :). These two deserved their happy 'ending', and it was an absolute pleasure to try and provide them with one. Thank you all again so very damn much. 
> 
> "Indulge your imagination in every way possible"  
> -Jane Austen


End file.
